Writing About Writing

WritingaboutWriting
From the Writing about Writing Facebook group.

Birthday weekend is over. It ended up being more chill than I anticipated. Ended up playing DOOM and then watching every Key and Peele sketch I could find on Youtube.

A Harrowing Tale of Addiction via Key and Peele.

Time to go back to the grind of beefing up my writing portfolio before pitching to the big sites.

When going into project, I often don’t really go into them with a specific goal in mind. Following this philosophy, being an idea person more than a “let’s finish this” person has its ups and downs.

I tend to put myself out there and see what kind of opportunities come at me. This inevitably results in needing to scrap some projects or parts of projects, which is difficult, especially for the ideas in which I am emotionally invested.

The great thing about the Internet is you don’t really have to give anything up.

You can just post your reject projects on your own blog!

Someone will read it… eventually.

j/k I actually have pretty good hits for a personal blog. Planning on having a themed blog (moar SEO, moar hits) in the nearish future.

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Odds and Ends

I’m breaking the tradition of not talking about my life on my blog.

The blog Gods require some posts having personal flair for balance.

Thanos.jpg

As some of you may know, it’s been a challenging few years for me since I dropped out of my fancy liberal arts school.

I had spent about two years pursuing a Political Science degree with the intent of law school, and then when I realized I wanted to study BioChem instead but was seriously behind on STEM credits, I had a bit of an existential crisis.

But…

  It’s never too late to get back on track.

I mean just look at Lindsey Lohan. She’s not back to Mean Girls status, but she had her own show on the Oprah network and you know once that happens, you’re set for life.

 

🤣

It’s not so bad. I paid off my student loans, so I have a positive net worth finally. Which I wouldn’t have had I actually gone to law school.

Yay not 100k of loans.

The trick is to enroll in a PhD program, peace out with a Master’s, and then sell out and go work for a private company.

…I’m working on it.

CandiceWrites.Net is coming eventually.

I have designers in my network but I kinda have some pride which needs self stroking so I want to do the personal branding stuff all on my own. I have ideas for a business card, but the logo is going to take (more than) several iterations to get just right.

We’ll see how that works out or if I just give up and call up my homie Jaron Design.

Oh and if anyone wants to hang, I’m thinking of going to a comedy show in NYC on Nov. 9 for my birthday. It’s Scott Rogowsky of HQTrivia and guest appearance by John Oliver.

Hit me up.

“You should change your blog name to ‘Clantily Sad'”

I’m still alive, sort of. Still lacking in motivation to produce any form of original content. My blog is like the stepchild in a broken home that I give inconsistent amounts of attention to and can’t decide if I like or not.

Filler post for December.

I’m running out filler material for this place actually; most of the poetry I wrote in high school does not stand the test of time. (Oh, the angst. Never quite The Pain Tree bad, but still cringe-worthy enough to never be shared.) But there was some clever enjambment in here that I still like.

Nerdy, Angry, Fuck

  • Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

I think it’s hot when strippers cry on their master’s
degrees, when meteorologists make innuendos
when your mother pretends to be Jewish.

Sometimes I wish I had synesthesia
so I could palpate youtube’s
myriad turtle sex clips with my retinas
though I wish there was more to do
on a Friday night than watching
ugly animals fuck online.

I have a Dukakis sticker on my teenage
mutant ninja turtles lunchbox from 88′
It’s currently filled with positive
pregnancy tests, disposable cell phones
and a picture of your mother.

Love insurance premiums:  $99.99 a month!
Good student discounts. Press 1 for more options.

It’s like that time I asked why she didn’t
love me anymore and she replied
“supply side economics.”

I told her her metaphor sucked;
our relationship had too many uncertainty principles
to be graphed criss-cross on an X and Y axis,

We were more like 2 out-of-sync sine waves reaching for infinity
until the tequila ran out.

Para continuar en las lenguas románticas
oprime el número dos.

I sent a letter of complaint to her new
PO Box in MN, asking her to return my soul
for the full amount, in the payment method
in which it was received.

She doesn’t know it, but she’s still
the spaces between my fingers
when I’m clawing for sanity in my sleep
and the moment mid-clasp, when I stop.
Go limp.
Lips.

Vietnam War Poetry

Depression has been kicking my ass recently, if it wasn’t obvious already by my normal political commentary having been replaced with long, introspective ramblings about love and sadness.

[Corey Booker is a Senator, and this is one of the few times I really wish I was still a resident of New Jersey. Oh, and apparently the shutdown is ending. Good week for Democrats.]

Here’s a poem that I didn’t write, but saved a long time ago and still like.

khe sanh rivers

by shotgunmessiah. Sep 16, 2003

 

sometimes when i remember how it was

I’m drinking cheap liquor from a tin cup I

had from the war and I can’t hold it

steady and it falls in the floor, spills out and

runs in the cracks in the wood and

 

it reminds me of that time in Khe Sanh when it

rained all day, pissing down in the muddy streamers

and collected in little pools and

wore tributaries in the mud and when it

stopped

 

there was a little girl skinny and naked with

just a rag wrapped around her waist and

she huddled in the waste and shit of the village

 

when I walked by she looked me with

these huge eyes driven deep in her face and

she held out her hand and said probably the only

word she knew “water” and again

“water” so I give some water in the tin cup I had

 

and she holds it and stares at her own big

brown eyes and then she crouches down

in the mud and carefully pours the water out

into the ground and flows in the rutted cracks

and makes little rivers

 

and when they ask me what it was like

I say “follow me” and take a cup and

fill it with water and

 

I go outside and pour it out in the ground

and they say “what does that mean” and I

point at the water trickling dirty through

the cracks and I say “that’s what it means”

“that’s what it’s about”

 

and they say I’m crazy and they

go away and leave me dripping water

on the cobblestones and laughing and

 

there was a little girl in Khe Sanh

who knew the truth even though

she was blown to hell the next day

 

How I Learned SEO With No Guide: The Secret to Success!

I blogged a lot. I blogged about different things. I looked at my stats. Then I blogged more and wrote for different sites and in different ways.

This is a cute animal. On a hoodie. On a girl.
This is a cute animal. On a hoodie. On a girl.

My boobs are actually much bigger than that in real life. I’m #asian and a 34C.

You should follow my blog. #boobs #boobs #boobs

Hai look, I’m talking about ASIANS and BOOBS on the INTERNET!

Seriously, what’s up with all these “How to Blog” blogs following me. There’s too many. Find a niche, guys. If you are supposedly SEO geniuses, you should know that already.

  • “How to Write a Porn Blog.” (Be hot.)
  • “How to Be Funny.” (Rip off funny people.)
  • “How to Give Up.” (Join the Army.)
  • “How to Make Money Online.” (Stop learning SEO and learn to code.)


There you go. The secrets to success. Maybe read one or two tutorials. But mostly just try a bunch of shit and then replicate what works.

4/20, Armadillos Metaphor, T-shirt, Fuckit, Smoke Weed
4/20, Armadillos Metaphor, T-shirt, Fuckit, Smoke Weed

Trust me, I have big boobs.

Fashion and Beauty Bloggers Wanted!

Scandalousmuffin here again with some more cross-blog promotion.

Dis mah blawh! I do wut I want!

Fashion, Beauty, Make-up, and Style Writers Wanted for Original Content Production!

Form and Function Fashion Blog

Network with a talented team. Build your writing portfolio. Write about stuff and things that you like!

(Open to all styles of women and men! Good writing  and communication skills a must. Compensation possible in the future.)

I’m also looking for business partners and sponsors. No specific criteria yet, aside from fashion-themed, but let me know if you or anyone you know is interested. Also, graphic designers; F&F can haz logo?

E-mail short cover letter and resume to the address in the About page in the linkety link!

New Projects: F&F Fashion Blog and The Flairist

I have a new side-project blog that is finally live: Form and Function Fashion Blog

I’ve posted a couple times about fashion and beauty on Clantily Scad and those posts got positive feedback. Since this blog was getting so all-over-the place with the politics and culture commentary, I decided, why not just make my own fashion blog?

I might buy a domain name for it eventually, and I definitely want to make a better layout. My graphic design skills are alright, but if anyone wants to make me a sexy logo for F&F for free, please let me know. 😛

I’m currently looking for contributing writers for Form and Function Fashion for different areas: Hair, make-up, skin care, body-type expert, etc. I already have a “Nail Art Expert” lined up. So if you’re interested in fashion and/or beauty blogging, comment with your contact info. I do have high standards for writing, just so you know, and it will also be unpaid for now unless I decide it’s getting enough traffic to monetize. (And then I’d probably split any profits proportional to writers’ post views. ) If you know anyone who is interested, send them my way to the blog or this post.

Other exciting news in Scandalousmuffin Land:

I’ve signed on as a contributing writer, probably with a health & wellness focus, to a site called The Flairist.

They are up-and-coming online magazine with a focus on career advice for young women. Give them a shout-on on Facebook, if you like them. I will have more details about exactly what I’m writing for them soon.

The Internet is really an amazing place and I feel really lucky to live in a time where I can so easily connect and talk with such interesting, talented people.  Never under-appreciate your friends, on the internet and otherwise. Things are really amazing right now.

Live, write, and love always.

Cross-applying Poetry Fundamentals to Prose

I’ve been super busy this week with socializing and job searching, but I have been trying to maintain this blog on a semi-regular basis. When I’m lazy or there’s no interesting news about to comment on, I’ve decided to default to a good autobiographical life advice post.


For those of you that don’t know, I used to write poetry. I never thought it was that good–more like broken prose with clever enjambment. (I never did write a sonnet that I was fully happy with.) There were some cheap PoMo tricks, like line breaking on a word with multiple meanings, that I used very often back then and still do, to some extent, in my prose. But I haven’t written anything that was more poetry than than prose in recent years since non-fiction has consumed my soul.

I will testify that studying classic and modern poetry when I was a teenager has greatly improved my general writing skills as an adult. English profs know it well: When you start analyzing poetry on a functional level below interpretation and meaning, you start paying attention to literary elements like syntax, punctuation, and rhythm. And all writing starts to “flow” better.

Alliteration and assonance all over everything. < See what I did there with “alliteration” and “all?” There are also “v” sounds in “over” and “everything” that create a cohesive sound pattern. (Repetition of consonant sounds is called “consonance.”) These techniques and literary devices work, whether you’re consciously aware of them or not, and this is generally how people judge a work as “good”–based on these literary devices embedded in historical standards.

If you’re a writer, it’s good to be consciously aware of these literary devices (not to be confused with the larger concept of literary techniques), so you can use them to your advantage.

Check out those links that I hyperlinked above if you don’t know anything about poetic devices. If you’re a writer that wants to get better, and you haven’t already, start paying attention to the poetic devices that you already use.

Feel free to ask questions in the comments.


[Edit: Sorry, I had to manually fix the HTML since it formatted weird after I prematurely submitted.]

Riddle Me Pinks…

Baby takes another hit,
she’s passed
the point where peripheral vision
blurs into her inverted gut
and she cries about the virus of society
she’s afraid
she’s catching tonight

Baby is an oxymoron,
murphy’s law on mute–

the way she’ll waste
bootlaces in urinals
to see what shape they make
when they float
leave
bumblebee pinstripes
and chalk scrawled
half past noon,

I GOT HER PREGNANT
on the changing station

(an ephemeral epithet,
a graffiti-fied gaffe)

Oh baby,
“this is the art
of perfecting denial,”
she’ll exhale
before passing to the right
because she’s just that much
of an insidious
fuck

(her palms drip
like the festering manifestoes
of bad hair dye jobs
and thrift store sweaters)

Doctor, Doctor, don’t bother
it’s Sunday now; she’s alone in a crowd.
the children will be coming home
for Christmas and she’s
let the cat out again.
Visual piece also from my angsty teen days:
(There were large callouses on my feet in high school, so the pins didn’t hurt.)

Hot Blogging Community: Twenty Something Bloggers

20SomethingBloggers

20SomethingBloggers

@20SB

Since my freelance gig went under, and so did the community that followed it, I’ve been looking for ways to connect with other writers who also hustle for page hits.

Recently, I discovered SB20. They seem to fit the bill for a social networking platform that meets my needs as an online writer.

From their Facebook page:

About
Twenty Something Bloggers, the largest online community for twenty-something personal bloggers. http://www.20sb.net/

Mission

This is a place for twenty something bloggers to discover and get discovered!

Company Overview

20 Something Bloggers is the best destination on the web for digitally savvy twenty-somethings. Come join our vibrant community to discover new friends, be discovered, and get involved with a wide array of on and offline events.

My only criticism so far is that they can’t figure out if they want to stylize it to Twenty Something Bloggers or 20 Something Bloggers. I want to know for consistency purposes! Oh wait, there’s a forum for that question 🙂

I think this site has a lot of potential, but has a small enough community where you can still be able to interact with people on a fun and manageable scale. It’s a great idea and was executed beautifully; they have integrated lots of cool social networking features like chat, while keeping it simple. I would encourage other bloggers to join.

Hat Tip to Short Stories and Sustenance for hipping me to this site.

My Inspirational Person: Cara Santa Maria

If you watch The Young Turks, you’ve probably heard of her. If not, well, you have now.

She is my favorite scientist-turned-writer-turned-TV-personality.

Cara Santa Maria.

I’m going to put the phrase “Cara Santa Maria hot” in here just because I know that’s a phrase people are going to be Googling to find this page.

CSM was the senior science correspondent for the “Talk Nerdy to Me” series for The Huffington Post until April 2013.

According to wiki, she has a Masters in neuroscience and dated Bill Maher (Ugh, well, I don’t envy her taste in pretentious men.) for two years. She has done a lot of neuropsychology research including, “clinical psychological assessment, the neuropsychology of blindness, neuronal cell culture techniques, and computational neurophysiology.”

She is now pretty much a full-fledged member of the TYT cast.

So, she gives me inspiration for science jobs beyond research monkey.

Another one of my favorite scientists that became a writer is Dr. Robert Sapolsky over at Stanford. He wrote Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers: An Updated Guide to Stress, Stress Related Diseases, and Coping. Sapolsky did not trasnsition out of academia, but you can see in his Ted Talk that he is awesome at breaking complex topics down into highly accessible language.

I’ve blogged about him before.

He is arguably much less adorable than Cara Santa Maria.

Man, “senior science correspondent.” That’s a nice title.

A blogger can dream.