Glacéau, makers of Vitamin Water, is a privately owned subsidiary of Coca-Cola Company and 10% is owned by 50 cent.

What are the two main ingredients?

1.  Filtered Water.  “Reverse Osmosis Water”

Reverse osmosis is a process through which external pressure is used to drive water through a semipermeable membrane, leaving behind dissolved minerals or other “impurities.”  This is opposed to normal osmosis where there’s a pressure gradient caused by differing concentrations of dissolved materials on either side of a membrane.

Long story short:  You apply pressure to water that pushes it through a filter.

There is nothing special about water purified by reverse osmosis.  You could equally well purify water with a distillation column.

2.  Sugar.  “Crystalline Fructose.” Oh wait, shit, I lied, it’s not sugar.   Sugar has glucose and fructose.

Crystalline fructose is a processed sweetener derived from corn that is almost entirely (98%) fructose. It is used as a sweetener in the likes of beverages and yogurts, where it substitutes for high-fructose corn syrup (HFCS) and table sugar. Crystalline fructose is estimated to be about 20 percent sweeter than table sugar, and 5% sweeter than HFCS.   HFCS has been classified as “generally recognized as safe” by the FDA despite being found to cause obesity moreso than sucrose, but crsytalline fructose has not undergone the same scrutiny.

That’s right, condescend that stupid MILF and her lack of knowledge about the health consequences of cheap sweeteners.