Archive
How I Learned SEO With No Guide: The Secret to Success!
I blogged a lot. I blogged about different things. I looked at my stats. Then I blogged more and wrote for different sites and in different ways.
This is a cute animal. On a hoodie. On a girl.
My boobs are actually much bigger than that in real life. I’m #asian and a 34C.
You should follow my blog. #boobs #boobs #boobs
Hai look, I’m talking about ASIANS and BOOBS on the INTERNET!
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Seriously, what’s up with all these “How to Blog” blogs following me. There’s too many. Find a niche, guys. If you are supposedly SEO geniuses, you should know that already.
- “How to Write a Porn Blog.” (Be hot.)
- “How to Be Funny.” (Rip off funny people.)
- “How to Give Up.” (Join the Army.)
- “How to Make Money Online.” (Stop learning SEO and learn to code.)
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There you go. The secrets to success. Maybe read one or two tutorials. But mostly just try a bunch of shit and then replicate what works.
4/20, Armadillos Metaphor, T-shirt, Fuckit, Smoke Weed
Trust me, I have big boobs.
Happy 100,000 Hits Clantily Scad – Reflections on Blogging
When I was 14, I made a Geocities site. Although the content was embarrassingly 14-year-old (lists of inside jokes and collages of male celebrities), the layout didn’t look half bad, and it got better as I gained some rudimentary HTML and Photoshop skills. I’ve had an online journal in one form or another ever since for the last 9 years. But the newer incarnations had considerably less teen angst and BDSM squirrels.
My Old Xanga Banner
Some WordPressers obsess over their stats, seeking to maximize their page views, and publically posting data.
If you’re curious: I have 100K hits. This will be my 312th post. I have 418 comments, although to be fair, almost half of those are probably me replying to people. Most referral links come from Google, and the most popular posts are the ones on weird and controversial topics.
It’s been fun—learning what trends and what doesn’t, how to use tags effectively. But it’s not something about which I ever had huge hubris. I know I could have been more aggressive by commenting on other blogs and posting on random forums. But I know views alone don’t immediately result in quality comments or discussion.
Over the last year, I’ve noticed an increase in random “likes” and followings by other bloggers. There are a lot of terrible blogs out there, mostly from people who never made it past the level of my first Geocities site. So, if you’re reading this in your subscriptions and I didn’t follow or like you back, it’s probably because your blog is boring. I’m not interested in joining your little microcosm of bloggers’ circle jerking.
If I did follow you back, congrats. You’re above average.
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I was watching Girls on HBO. Otherwise known as Nepotism: That Show with Starring Famous Daughters.
The main character is a 24-year-old trustafarian who has a Bachelor’s in English. She approaches her boss at the place she’s been interning for two years and demands to be compensated for her services. He tells her he’ll be sorry to see her go.
“But Joy Lynn got hired after interning!”
“Yeah, well, Joy Lynn knows Photoshop.”
That’s when I realized that I have a shot at this game.
I can do typography (logos, banners, and professional shiz) but I can also Photoshop squirrels with giant balls holding barbeque lighters. I’d be a good PR rep for a small start-up, preferable ones that needs squirrels with giant balls.
I made a resume, which didn’t turn out quite as pathetic as I thought it would be. I can haz paid writing job?
P.S.
How Chris Christie Can Win Back Female Voters
Polling lower than ever, Chris Christie is failing the lady electorate. What issues do women voters care about and what can the NJ Gov. do to change?
Read my article here: http://www.suite101.com/content/how-chris-christie-can-win-back-women-voters-a377638
Also, if you love me enough when you get there, disable your popup blocker and click on all the ads on the page (no malware I swear!). My freelance ass needs ad revenue.
Sites easy to self-promote on and increase your blog hits.
Clicking on WordPress’s Site Stats obsessive compulsively? Admit it, there’s something psychologically rewarding about knowing that people are clicking on your blog pages and perhaps even reading them fully. Here are some sites that I’ve pimped my own links on and have gotten results:
If you got here from SU, Thumbs Up! The only toolbar I ever truly loved. If you’re not familiar with it, the idea behind StumbleUpon is very simple. You thumbs up or thumbs down pages and, using the patterns of what you like and don’t like, it will find similar pages for you.
I once “liked” my own page, added tags to it, and within an hour that page had 500 new hits. The view rate went down after that raging hour, and it didn’t happen to the other page I “liked” and tagged at the same time, but still… something happened there and I continue to get modest hits from StumbleUpon.
Find questions with a topic on which you have written, answer the question simply, and then cite yourself, noting that there’s more information on the blog page. Yahoo Answers isn’t just limited to searches from Yahoo users; a lot of these pages will come up with specific Google search terms as well.
Given the number of contributors to the social news network reddit, you might think you’ll get overlooked. But if you have a clever, topical, or funny post title, the chances of getting hundreds of hits increases expotentionally.
Your Facebook, Twitter, Google Buzz, etc.
I wouldn’t recommend posting to your personal social network sites every time you publish, but if there’s something interesting or you’re really proud of that you think some of your friends will like, it can’t hurt. Be careful though if you’re writing something NSFW and are friends with your mom.
General advice to increase page traffic:
Post comments on other similar wordpress posts to your own. But don’t link to yourself solely as a blatant self-promotion, because that would be rude. Add more insight or a different perspective and make it clear you read that author’s post as well.
If you write specifically on a certain topic, it might be worth the effort to join a forum on that topic to find readers with an interest in your content.
Despite a common belief, adding more tags will not inherently increase page traffic. Tags will help search engines properly categorize but will not help the search engines add you to their databases. Pings, however, are a different story. Here is a great short description of pinging.
If I forgot any good sites or tips, feel free to leave a comment!
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License.
Lady Gaga, the iPhone, Facebook, and BP oil can all SUCK MY DICK
That’s a lie. I don’t have a dick upon which to suck. And I actually like all of those except for BP and that time Facebook violated privacy and intellectual property rights (they’re better now).
What I’ve learned from blogging and looking at my handy Blog Stats provided by WordPress is that my most popular posts are the ones where I bash popular things. Makes sense.
Although I am losing faith in the human race when I find I get hits from searches like “tazered twat.” Really, why would you look on wordpress for pics and vids of tazered twat? Freaks.
Here’s a video of my favorite stand-up comedian, Louis CK, talking about sucking dick.
Oh, and Lady Gaga.
(Just for fun, I’ll throw the word “boobs” in here too.)