Suicide Squad Wasn’t That Bad

Mild Spoilers Ahead

It’s no secret that DC movies haven’t been doing well lately. So when I saw that Rotten Tomatoes gave “Suicide Squad” at 27% fresh rating, and after witnessing the monstrous trainwreck that was “Batman v Superman,” I wasn’t exactly jumping out of my seat to see it. But I had a DC comic-lover friend that really wanted to go and I was bored that day. I also thoroughly enjoyed the trailer music soundtrack.

Here’s what I have to say to some common criticisms of the movie:


There wasn’t enough Joker.


This is the main critique I’ve been seeing all over the place. Jared Leto’s name is on the poster but he wasn’t in the film. Well, I saw the film from beginning to end and felt there was plenty of Leto’s Joker in it, considering the focus of the film was about, dur, the Suicide Squad.

This is not a Batman movie. It was never marketed as a Batman movie. Yes, Batman makes a cameo, but he doesn’t fight the Joker nor should he. The Joker isn’t a member of the Suicide Squad, so it makes entire sense for him to be relegated to a secondary character.

There was an introductory scene with him and Harley Quinn in Arkham Asylum. There was a weird bar scene that illustrated the Joker’s cruel and mercurial nature. And there were a couple more scenes with him and Harley Quinn that highlighted their twisted, co-dependent relationship. Quinn is the main character and I felt the amount of appearances for the Joker was just the right amount so as to not overshadow her.

The music sucked.


“We haven’t even gotten to the distracting use of on-the-nose musical selections to introduce each character…  Each song inspires a groan and takes you right out of the action.” –

Oh, shut the fuck up. If having appropriate music is “distracting” to you, you should watch a Tarantino flick and then shoot yourself in the head.

The soundtrack had everything from Skrillex  to a Panic! at the Disco cover of “Bohemian Rhapsody.” They are upbeat, catchy songs to compliment sarcastic, quirky characters. I don’t feel like covers of classic songs create a cliché, rather they set the tone for a new rendition of old comic book characters.

The film jumped around too much.


Yes, there were extensive uses of flashbacks in the film. There were, after all, between six and seven members of the Suicide Squad at one time. I don’t see a more efficient way to introduce and characterize them all.

As for the editing, I rather liked it. I don’t think it was sloppy or choppy. I felt like it created a fast-paced, yet still digestible, narrative that made for a solid action film plot. There was a lot going on, but I feel like I was able to distinguish all the characters and keep their personalities in mind without getting too muddled.

The film was two hours, but it was well enough paced that time flew by smoothly.

The villain was stupid or lame.


“She couldn’t arrange better special effects for herself, however; at the height of her powers, the threat she creates looks hilariously cheesy.”

Yes, there’s a supervillian who hates humanity and wants a combination of domination and destruction. But what superhero movie isn’t that?

The Enchantress is an ancient witch with various dark powers. She can summon zombie-like minions, teleport, and manipulate the movement of matter and energy. I, for one, was just happy to see a female supervillian. She does bring her equally supernatural brother along for the evil ride, but it was nice to see a supervillian family working together for once.

I saw nothing out of the ordinary with the special effects. When she transforms from her possessed alter ego June Moone into The Enchantress, black fingers slip out from her own and then take her over, casting a smoky-like shadow around her body.

Sure she wears practically a bikini, but this is a relatively minor feminist sin. She is still a powerful, evil figure and a convincing antagonist in a movie full of anti-heroes.

So overall…

I came into the theater with really low expectations and was pleasantly surprised. “Suicide Squad” was pretty on par with what the trailers advertised, was well-cast, decently-acted, and delivered entertaining action sequences. There was a certain amount of chaos I’ll admit, but this seemed entirely appropriate for the themes the movie was trying to present. If I was the filmmaker and somebody called “Suicide Squad” “messy,”  I would take it as a compliment.


Thor: An Allegory of One Man’s Internal Struggle with Bicuriosity and Penis Size

Spoiler Alert: The hammer is his penis.

78% fresh on rottentomatoes. Aren’t you proud, Marvel? Never before have I seen such a successful rendition of King Arthur meets Lord of the Rings meets Stephen Hawking’s A Brief History of Time. If there’s one major fault in the movie it’s that we didn’t get to see enough of Chris Hemsworth hairless chistled chest so touted in the trailer. They even covered up Anthony Hopkin’s old, ugly mug with prosthetics to make him look even more old and ugly! I love famous actors when they’re unrecognizable.

In Norse mythology, Thor, son of Odin, is a hammer-wielding god associated with thunder, lightning, storms, oak trees, strength, destruction, and the protection of mankind. In Mavel movie universe, Thor is an testosterone-overloaded, extraterrestrial prince from Asgard (henceforth known as Assguard) who is hating on the rival race of monstrous Frost Giants.  These Avatar-esque beings with all the charisma of Alaskan politicians put Thor’s panties in a bunch when they ruin his ascension to the throne ceremony with a failed attempt to steal back their Blue Ball Box of Eternal Frigidness.

Thor takes a retribution trip to the Frost Giants’ barren homeworld only to be stopped by daddy Odin. Terrified of his son’s rising Oedipus complex, Odin strips Thor of his Mojo and banishes him from Assguard. The aggro ex-prince is then ejaculated across the universe via the Celestial Sphincter down unto the Shithole of Earth where he is hit by a car driven with the acting ability of Princess Padmé.

Completing their supporting cast with the politically correct inclusivity of the Power Rangers, Marvel even managed to throw in an Asian guy, a Black guy, and a Hot Chick as Thor’s loyal sidekicks.

Why the Asian guy from Assguard has a Chinese accent I’ll never know. But why do you need to know? Hey look, abs.

I don’t care to know where the Iron Man prototype came from. Or why its sad excuse for a fight scene happened in a place as boring as in front of 7-11. Or where Loki acquired a snazzy suit when visiting Earth and later, the Pokémon move of Double Team. Plus, there are much more pressing questions like, Will Thor ever be able to pull his tool out of the giant, dry hole?

After all the innuendo, including something called “bi-thrusters” and avoiding tapping that fine Harvard graduate ass (Portman, not the guy who is typecast as the Good Will Hunting math professor), it is obvious Thor struggles with some serious repressive psychological issues. Even after being called out by his brother that Padmé made him “soft,” Thor cannot accept his sexuality. Alas, Thor ends up breaking apart Assguard’s Rainbow Bridge with his Trusty Hammer. Which makes me wonder what kind of soul-searching film the second film will explore. Thor 2: U Can’t Touch This? This disappointing venture through Ursa Minor’s colon will hopefully be no damper in Marvel’s fluid, seminal output of otherwise fine superhero flicks.