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New York City Resident Archetypes
I’ve lived in Brooklyn for about six months now. I moved here from New Jersey and have come to find some recurring motifs in the denizens of this fine City. Feel free to comment if you have any more. This archetype list is partially inspired by reddit’s /r/ first world problems.
Overworked Businessperson
Usually seen with the same twisty grimace to their face at all times, you can most often find the overworked businessperson on his or her smart phone talking loudly and not paying attention to where they’re walking. Whether the intern is running late with the Starbucks or Wall Street is about to have a financial meltdown, it is a tragedy and most certainly their subordinate’s fault.
Their diet includes coffee, file folders, podcast news, and not sleep.
Crazy, Screaming Homeless Dude
Needing to keep a BAC level of crazy in him at all times, the CSHD is the well-known cousin of the sleepy, morose homeless dude. I don’t know what’s going on in their black trash bags and I don’t want to know. The CSHD is the most common cause of the comment, “Um, let’s stand on the other side of subway platform. That side is loud and smells like urine.” Louis CK knows what I’m talking about:
Hipster Trust Fund Faux Adult
This young NYC specimen makes its living off its art sales and the weekly stipend from Mom and Dad. Sometimes it tries to sit down on the Subway, but the wads of cash in its wallet make an uncomfortable bump in the back pocket of its skinny jeans.
Enjoying pretending to understand politics, the HTFFA likes to associate with liberals but be a fan of Ron Paul at the same time. This is known as “ironic” and is a comedic trope. HTFFA often misuse the word “trope” in order to sound cool and educated. The HTFFA usually has a Bachelor’s degree of some sort but makes a point not to use it for the sake of artistic sacrifice.
Synonyms: Indie Douchebag, Liberal “I went to NYU” Elitist, Pretentious Asshole in Plaid Shirt and Glasses Too Big for his Face.
The Bodega Guy
Do you know his name? I see him everyday when I buy a soft drink and I don’t. It’s probably Mohammed Al Assad Ahmadinejad or something like that. He owns the Bodega Cat, which is really cute. Though every time I pet it I wonder if it’s had its rabies shot.
Sketchy Rastafarian in the Park and the Friendless Guy who Buys from Him
With roots in hippies and black people, the Sketchy Rastafarian in the Park is the disputed descendent of Bob Marley. He bounces slightly in his gait in a desperate attempt to look casual and has a keen scent for bacon. His favorite colors include green, red, yellow, and weed.
Desperate enough to pay up to $30 a gram, the Friendless Guy doesn’t have the social networking skills to buy the most common drug from someone who is not a stranger and runs of risk of purchasing what may actually be catnip.
Walk, walk, Fashion Baby
Work it, move that bitch crazy. And indeed, the Fashion Babies, are most often crazy, overprivileged bitches. Or the gay guy who has a moving story about having spent his suppressed youth watching Project Runway under the covers at 2 AM.
Found in abundance on Sixth Avenue, Fashion Babies are either students (I resist the urge to use quotation marks here) or wannabe students at the Fashion Institute of Technology.
Fashion is defined as:
A puzzling force, capable of altering minds to find things (such as clothes designs) completely normal at one point in time, where they would be considered completely ridiculous at any other point in time. Also, completely ignored by engineers. Fashion is the continuing quest for the next great style. However, there are only four truly great styles, and they simply supersede one another every 6.4 months. The four great styles are Couture, Glamour, Chic, Stylish and occasionally kittens, in that order.
Out-of-town Tourists
Although confused and appalled by the public transit system, out of town tourists are the natural enemy of walking. A symbiont with the fanny pack, their fears include baby-snatching, crossing the street, and 9/11.
Not included in this list were the cast of Jersey Shore and Long Islanders.
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Joyce Brown – Billie Bogs and NYC’s Forgotten Involuntary Confinement Program
Joyce Brown was a New York City resident and homeless woman who was involuntarily hospitalized in NYC in 1987.
On October 28, 1987, Ms. Brown was transported to Bellevue Hospital as the first patient under Project HELP, a city program spearheaded by Mayor Ed Koch, a program aimed at the hospitalization of the homeless. She had been living on the streets in Manhattan and often used the fake name “Billie Bogs” to avoid being found by her family.
On December 18, the Appellate Division of State Supreme Court in Manhattan upheld her involuntary commitment. However, the judge that wrote the dissenting argument claimed that there was not enough evidence to support the notion that she was a danger to herself.1
Dr. Francine Cournos, an assistant professor of psychiatry Columbia University, stated that although she thought treatment would be helpful, it was not advised treatment be given against her will. On January 15, 1988, a judge ruled that Joyce Brown could be not involuntary medicated.2
The appeal to confine Joyce Brown was eventually successful, with help from lawyers from NYCLU, whom she had called herself for legal support. Acting State Supreme Court Justice Robert Lippmann determined that she was competent enough to not be a danger to herself or others. She was released after nearly three months of involuntary commitment.3
She went on to seek gainful employment and many have written published articles about her civil rights case and involuntary medication and commitment.
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1. Kirk Johnson. The New York Times. Court Backs Treatment of Woman Held Under Koch Homeless Plan. Published: December 19, 1987.
2. Josh Barbanel. The New York Times. Joyce Brown Obtains a Ban On Medicine. Published: January 16, 1988.
3. Jeanie Kasindorf. New York Magazine. The Real Story of Billie Bogs.Published: May 2, 1988.
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Related reading:
Treatment Advocacy Center: Involuntary Hospitalization in the Modern Era: Is “Dangerousness” Ambiguous or Obsolete?