As I sit on this God-forsaken rooftop with my battery-powered radio, soaked to the bone, waiting with the others to be rescued while staving off the thoughts of cannibalism, all I can think is “Barack Obama doesn’t care about hipsters.”

I’ve tried to use items in my house to make a fire with which to cook my copious supplies of Easy Mac, but my dresser is made of faux wood and all my Proust has gotten damp.  I’m down to my last pair of skinny jeans and I’ve just learned my oversized sunglasses don’t offer UV protection.  (Which we wouldn’t need anyway if everyone just listened to Al Gore.)

I’m now blind, wet, and hungry. I’m not going to offer an explanation of where I got Internet Access or how I was able to see to type this, but if I don’t get a chai tea latte made from 100% organic, fair trade ingredients in the next 24 hours, I’m going to think of a witty, anti-government slogan and post it on Twitter in protest.

No. I’m in Brooklyn.  I partied into Saturday night and woke up on Sunday morning slightly hungover to gloomy, but calm skies.  Subways are mostly running and everything is dandy. I have a job orientation in Jersey tomorrow but NJ Transit is largely down.  Shrug.  Our awesome Dept of Transportation spokesman released this helpful comment about the closures on Interstate 287… oh no, wait:

Because the investigation of the site still is in the early stages, Dee could not comment on the timetable or extent of the closure up the highway. Nor could he provide information on alternate routes that northbound motorists can take around the closure.

Anyway, my drink of choice for natural disasters is Mojitos.

They are absurdly easy to make, super refreshing, and good for bitches like me that don’t like the taste of alcohol. From AllRecipes.com.  Yields 1 cocktail:

Ingredients

• 10 fresh mint leaves
• 1/2 lime, cut into 4 wedges
• 2 tablespoons white sugar, or to taste
• 1 cup ice cubes
• 1 1/2 fluid ounces white rum
• 1/2 cup club soda

Directions

Place mint leaves and 1 lime wedge into a sturdy glass. Use a muddler to crush the mint and lime to release the mint oils and lime juice. Add 2 more lime wedges and the sugar, and muddle again to release the lime juice. Do not strain the mixture. Fill the glass almost to the top with ice. Pour the rum over the ice, and fill the glass with carbonated water. Stir, taste, and add more sugar if desired. Garnish with the remaining lime wedge.

If you don’t have a muddler, I’ve read you can use a big wooden spoon, or put the mint with ice in a shaker.  Also, brown sugar tastes just as good, but you might have to to stir more to dissolve the bigger granules.  It’s all about the fresh mint, motherfuckers, fresh mint.