(cc) William Cho on flickr. My mall does not have palm trees. Nor do I think I will get to battle any zombies.

Top 5 Worst Things about Working Overnights at a Giant Retail Store in the Mall

5. Waking up “early” to do stuff involves driving in rush hour traffic.

4. I’ve developed a fear that there are homicidal clowns lurking in the empty 50 cent rides at the mall.

3. I can feel my social skills withering away under my sunlight-deprived skin.

2. I actually have to make my own sandwiches since the food court isn’t open at 3 AM. Ugh, first world problems.

1. People start to mow their lawns the same time I want to go to sleep.