Annotated Transcript from the Google/Fox News GOP Primary Debate
Rick Santorum awkwardly pretending he's not suing one of the sponsors of this debate.
Not only is Google-Fox an awkward partnership, but Rick Santorum, who seemingly forgot how freedom of speech works, is in the middle of litigating Google because his children can’t Google search his name.
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Mitt Romney: “My book has absolutely no lies and has been ratified by Massachusetts, our Founding Fathers, and Joseph Smith. But nice try, Rick Perry, nice try.”
Rick Perry: “I have no articulate rebuttal to Mr. Great Hair, because I have the debate skills of a drunk marmoset. I would, however, like to see Cain and Gingrich mate and make their lovechild my VP.”
Jon Huntsman: “I can prove I’m less of an asshole this round!”
Herman Cain: “We can fix everything because everything is broken! Just use the Chilean model (minus the trapped miners).”
Rick Santorum: “I forgot what DADT was.”
Michelle Bachmann: “I forgot that Ronald Reagan actually had a lower approval rating than Obama has right now.”
Ron Paul: “I’m only relevant in straw polls!”
Newt Gingrich: “I’m only relevant in the 90s!”
Gary Johnson: “Since Tim Pawlenty is out I claim his ‘Who the Fuck is That Guy?” title!”
FOX Crowd: “Where’s the tail-gate party for racist homophobes?”
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Read the live-blog from the last debate, the CNN/Tea Party debate, here or my annotated transcript from the September Politico debate here.
Read the real, full transcript at Politisite. Or watch TPM’s Debate in 100 Seconds video. Some of the jokes here (like the Cain-Gingrich lovechild joke) will make more sense if you do.
Gordon Ramsay’s Porn Dwarf Double Eaten by Badger
I normally don’t do posts where it’s only a link to a news article.
But this is the best title for a news article ever: http://gawker.com/5839596/gordon-ramsays-porn-dwarf-double-eaten-by-badger
Also, I really wanted to use the tags “Chef Ramsey” “dwarf porn” and “badgers” all the in the same post.
Badgers badgers badgers Badgers badgers badgers
They don’t know yet how the dwarf managed partially eaten in a badger den, but they are not ruling out suicide. Either that, or the badgers are planning a hostile takeover of the porn industry.
Badgers are Wisconsin’s state animal and generally weigh between 15-25 pounds. They can be aggressive, but normally only when provoked or threatened.
Working Night Shifts Sucks
(cc) William Cho on flickr. My mall does not have palm trees. Nor do I think I will get to battle any zombies.
Top 5 Worst Things about Working Overnights at a Giant Retail Store in the Mall
5. Waking up “early” to do stuff involves driving in rush hour traffic.
4. I’ve developed a fear that there are homicidal clowns lurking in the empty 50 cent rides at the mall.
3. I can feel my social skills withering away under my sunlight-deprived skin.
2. I actually have to make my own sandwiches since the food court isn’t open at 3 AM. Ugh, first world problems.
1. People start to mow their lawns the same time I want to go to sleep.
The Facts Behind the HPV Vaccine Debate and Rick Perry’s Merck Ties
I’m going to drop some knowledge on lady-part business today, followed up with some commentary on the HPV vaccine mandate debate going on among the GOP primary contenders. I’m also going to drop my CPhT credentials here, since I’m talking about health care and am technically a health care professional.
I received the Gardasil vaccinations against the Human Papilloma Virus last year. It’s a total of three shots over 6 months. Under Merck’s prescription assistance plan at Planned Parenthood, the vaccines cost $31 each/$93 total. (Without insurance, they’re pretty pricey, between $100-180 depending on your pharmacy and whether your MD prescribes the vial or the pre-prepared syringe.)
I might already have HPV, since I was active for several years with more experienced partners before getting vaccinated. HPV is estimated to be the most common of all STIs. Studies of prevalence vary, but they generally agree that at least 30% of all women will have at least one form of HPV by mid-adulthood. Condoms may help, but will not fully prevent the transmission of HPV.
HPV is normally detected when a routine pap smears shows cervical abnormalities. The pap smear isn’t the official HPV test; there’s also a DNA test performed for high-risk women or those whose paps come back abnormal. There are no FDA-approved HPV tests for men.
Most infected men and women will live out their happy lives completely unaware, but certain high-risk strains can cause genital warts and more disconcerting, cervical cancer.
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At the Tea Party Debate, Michele Bachmann spun a second-hand story of HPV vaccine causing mental retardation, which several fact check sites and doctors everywhere debunked immediately.
The point of her story, of course, was to draw ire to Rick Perry’s unpopular HPV vaccination mandate for girls entering middle-school. On February 2, 2007, Texas became the first state to enact a mandate-by executive order from the governor that all females entering the sixth grade receive the vaccine, with a parental opt-out option. The state legislature disagreed, overturned the mandate with H.B. 1098, and at that point, Perry withheld his veto.
Rick Perry’s rebuttal during Tea Party debate included the statement that he only received a $5,000 donation from HPV vaccine maker Merck. But that figure only refers to funds donated by Merck’s political action committee during Perry’s re-election campaign. The Washington Post finds that Perry’s campaigns have received almost $30,000 from Merck since 2000 and the drug maker has given $380,000 to the Republican Governors Association (RGA) since 2006—which Perry chaired twice and has contributed around $4 million to his campaigns. One of Merck’s top three lobbyists in Texas is Mike Toomey, Perry’s former chief of staff.
Toomey’s mother-in-law, the former Texas state Rep. Dianne White Delisi (R), was a state director for Women in Government, another organization heavily funded by Merck.
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I fainted for a few seconds during my first shot. I had been told to eat before coming in to prevent this side-effect, and I did eat a McMuffin meal but had finished it only a few minutes before I arrived at the clinic. That was obviously not enough time to get my blood sugar levels up.
Passing out during a shot is an example of a vasovagal response, an automatic nervous system response to needles going into your skin. Compared to other intramuscular injections, Gardasil has an increased risk of this fainting, also called syncope. For the next two shots, I ate at least an hour before going in and the shots went peachy. No light-headedness at all.
In terms of pain, this shot was worse than the flu shot, but not nearly as bad as the meningococcal vaccine I had to get for college in New York. I would recommend it to all sexually active ladies, because I’m sure paying $93 is nothing compared to cervical cancer.
Information Is Beautiful finds that the HPV vaccines are extremely safe. (Nice infographics too.)
Depressing Day for the Democrats in Political News
^Anthony Weiner’s Speech Presented by Guilty Looking Dachshunds.
Anthony Weiner’s vacated seat is lost to the GOP. How did the Democratically heavy 9th district manage to lose to the Republicans?
Dem. contender David Weprin had a series of gaffes over the summer, fucking up knowledge of the national debt. He also failed to pander to the Hassidic Jewish population, which are a significant voter demographic in the Brooklyn section of the 9th. His opponent, Bob Turner, was supported by Assemblyman Dov Hikind, a Democrat and an orthodox Jew, and local rabbis.
Nate Silver predicts that the 2012 elections will end up looking a lot like 2010:
Democrats might not lose many more seats in the House if that were the case, since most of their vulnerable targets have already been picked off, but it would limit their potential for any gains. And it could produce dire results for the Democrats in the U.S. Senate, where they have twice as many seats up for re-election.
Newsflash: Young people still suck at knowing what district they’re in and who their Congressperson is. In case you missed it:
In Ohio, volunteers are rallying against House Bill 194, which would limit the window to send in absentee ballots, among other voter-friendly practices. In this op-ed by Cincinnati’s Howard Wilkinson, whose Enquirer byline is “don’t trust anyone else,” he notes that “it won’t be in effect for the November 2012 presidential election either, because that is the day when Ohioans will go to the polls not only to choose a president but to vote up-or-down on House Bill 194.”
By his own logic, it won’t help the 2012 election. Yet the rest of his article is talking about why Democrats are flipping out right now. It’s a sad day for politics, when people sincerely believe that everything that hurts the other party and democratic process is good for America.
Oh wait, that’s every day now.
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An Open Letter to Netflix: Stop this “Qwikster” Bullshit
Update: Netflix Scraps Qwikster DVD-only Service Idea
9/21/2011
Dear Board of Chairmen at Netflix,
Last November, when you launched your $7.99 unlimited streaming plan, DVDs by mail was treated as a $2 add-on to your unlimited streaming plan. Since your July announcement of price increased and from when the new prices went into effect–Unlimited Streaming for $7.99 a month and/or 1 DVD at a time for $7.99 a month–you lost 1,000,000 subscribers. Your stocks now look like crap.
You then release a memo in your blog, “An Explanation and Some Reflections.” Your attempt to placate your obviously pissed-off customers went as follows:
This blog post was signed Reed Hastings, Co-Founder and CEO, Netflix. You should fire him, because he’s an idiot.
We don’t give a shit about the level of communication in announcing the separation of streaming and DVDs. We like streaming and would be willing to pay the increased fees if your service was more competitive than other services avaialbe. But you just lost your Starz contract and all the movies that went with it. Your streaming service is not “evolving;” it just got worse and you’re charging more for it, in the middle of an economic stagnation no less.
So for you to complicate the situation even more by announcing you will re-branding the DVD service to a separate website called “Qwikster” demonstrates a severe lack in ability to respond to consumer wants and needs. It’s like selling fruits and vegetables and then making another store with another name (but it’s a subsidiary!) to sell just the fruit. It doesn’t make sense for you or your customers.
You said in your blog, “Companies rarely die from moving too fast, and they frequently die from moving too slowly.” Well, companies also die from a common business practice known as “sucking at life.” Refer to Wikipedia’s List of Businesses that Failed, and be prepared when you join that list.
One business analyst compared your business plan to Apple’s iPod, suggesting that this business gamble will have long-term benefits for your profits. He’s also an idiot. The iPod is a technologically superior product in its field with aesthetics, durability, and easy to use feature. But streaming movies and TV shows is a pretty standard service that has competition coming from everywhere.
Also, next time you decide hike your prices, we’re going to remember your blog post and quote you: “There are no pricing changes (we’re done with that!)” “Done” with price increases? Really? For how long?
I guess as long as it takes for Redbox and Hulu to undercut you.
Sincerely,
Your Pissed-off Customers
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Netflix doesn’t have an e-mail address.
But you can call their customer service at: 1-866-716-0414
(Be nice to the techs, though. It’s not their fault.)
And you can write to them:
Netflix, Inc.
100 Winchester Circle
Los Gatos, CA 95032