Weird News Wednesday: Woman Beaten in Parking Lot with Frozen Armadillo

Legalize Armadillos. Regulate and tax them for revenue.
I have two fairly different links for you today.
The first is “Man Allegedly Beat Woman with Frozen Armadillo.”
According to investigators, the altercation occurred when the suspect was selling the carcass to the victim, who planned to eat the animal.
The pair apparently began arguing over the price of the item when the man twice threw the armadillo at the woman.
Everyone be careful out there in your back-alley armadillo meat deals. Seriously, though, I’m curious how much illegal armadillo meats goes for per pound out there.
Maybe this could be the new premise of the final season of Breaking Bad. Walt gives up his life of making meth to engage in the lucrative business of armored-shelled carcass sales. But the Mexican Armadillo Cartel gets a wind of his activities and seeks a bloody revenge.
The second article is “‘Buffalo Beast’ editor faces jail time for using dildo at protest.”
Good job, Raw Story, at making your news titles ambiguously worded.
Apparently, the guy had a dildo on a microphone and was trying to interview counter-protesters at a National Organization for Marriage rally. The officer arrested him for making obscene gestures with the ‘dildophone’ and for calling her and her fellow officers “assholes.”
Calling a cop an “asshole” is clearly a first Amendment right. I’m trying to find out if there’s any legal basis for obscenity charges. Using my amateur legal research skills, which I previously used to find out that it’s legal to be naked in public if its part of a performance, I found that NY state defines “obscenity” very vaguely, and the state penal code seems to only cover distribution of obscene materials to minors. But I doubt that there is any basis for obscenity charges, since now the officer seems to be now pitching that he was disrupting a “religious” event. (NOM is not registered as a religious organization.)
If you have knowledge about the legality of dildos in public, comment below.
Herman Cain’s Target Demographic – Everyone Who Can’t Follow Logical Patterns of Thought

If Herman Cain figures out something he said is unpopular…
“It’s going to be 20 feet high. It’s going to have barbed wire on the top. It’s going to be electrified. And there’s going to be a sign on the other side saying, ‘It will kill you — Warning.’” –at TN Tea Party Rally
“It was a joke. I apologize if I offended anyone. Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea culpa.” -‘The Last Word’ with Lawrence O’Donnell
“I’ve also said America needs to get a sense of humor.” – Meet the Press
he was obviously joking.
If he says something that panders to religious moral fundamentalists but infringes on individual liberty …
“I believe that life begins at conception. And abortion under no circumstances.” –interview with CNN’s Piers Morgan on Sunday
“The government shouldn’t be trying to tell people everything to do, especially when it comes to social decisions that they need to make.” -same interview, later
…it’s his personal, not political belief
“As to my political policy view on abortion, I am 100% pro-life. End of story,” –statement released Thursday to clarify his position
…maybe.
If he doesn’t know what something is…
“First of all, I don’t even know what SimCity is. Okay? I don’t even know what it is. Secondly, it’s a lie. That’s all I can say. I don’t even know what SimCity is,” -on the claim that his 9-9-9 plan is inspired by SimCity’s default tax rates.
it can go fuck itself because it’s wrong.
Colbert offers an explanation for Cain’s inability to follow himself on the issue of blaming yourself for not having a job. Because he wasn’t referring to all unemployed people as lazy, just the unemployed people that are upset and would like to assert their First Amendment rights.
Now, “I don’t have the facts to back this up”, but I think Herman Cain might have a chance in the race if he only had a competent staff, knowledge on international affairs, actual qualifications, and a pizza that doesn’t suck.
Weird News Wednesday: Guy Orders Size 14.5 but Gets Size 1,450 Giant Slipper
The 27-year-old takes a size 13 right shoe size while his left is slightly bigger and measures 14-and-a-half. But when he ordered his custom-fit slipper, manufacturers in China misread size 14.5 and accidently made one that’s a whopping 7ft long – size 1,450, or XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXL. A company spokesman for Monster Slippers said sorry to Tom, from Ilford, East London, and explained the mistake occurred because of a “translation error”. –from Mirror UK
That story was everything I wanted it to be.
To buy the Monster Claw Slippers in not size 1,450 here’s the page at Monster Slippers UK.
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Side note – I feel like I’m reaching a level of blog popularity where I’m actually concerned newspapers are going to complain for me re-posting their images. I realize I haven’t offered enough commentary and criticism to make my re-use of images have clear standing under “fair use” copyright law. So let me be clear…
Commentary: That’s a big fucking slipper.
Criticism: You need to trim your monster’s toenails, sir. Or at least file them. They are excessively long and pointy.






Observations on Workaholics and American Work Ethic
The American Dream is Shiny with 0% APR.
I want to talk for a second about my friend’s mom, which is actually an amalgamation of several friends’ moms, but for the purposes of this post will be presented as a singular archetype.
(For a more academic read on cultural values read this good article by Harvard professor Juliet Schor. Or if you’re looking for statistics of US workers compared to European workers read here.)
My friend’s mom is a highly competent and well-salaried woman who is seemingly successful in all personal and professional aspects of her life. I respect her immensely for her management skills and her ability to disassemble a bed and have it stacked for moving in a minute flat. (It was the easiest helping a friend move stint I have ever done, because her mom practically did it all for me.)
MFM works as high level administrative position for a major pharmaceutical company. She has a caring husband with whom she owns a nice house, dresses well, and drives a Beemer. We get along because I’m generally pleasant and avoid political conversation with people with the title of My Friend’s Parents. Little does she know that I’m judging her, not for the qualities or material goods she possesses, but for the tacit arrogance with which she presents them.
More after cut.
Read more…