My Rejected Superheroes’ Powers

The Internet Asked for it. I gave my reject superheroes actual super powers.

Original Post at: My Rejected Superhero Ideas

Chapstick Girl

Her Chapstick is also a truth serum! She has an autodetector of mouth dryness in her own mouth but can only tell the dryness of the lips of others by kissing.

Still waiting to be kissed.

Kinda Have Anxiety But Not Clinically Girl

She poops anti-anxiety medication on command. But only the beta blocker propanolol. She doesn’t want to get the kids addicted to xanax and also no one would give her a prescription for the hard stuff because she’s in intensive therapy right now for compulsive knitting.

Eats her own meds. But only once every 24 hours because she always follows directions.

Health Nut

If she gets her arms around you she can sense your blood pressure, heart rate, and BMI. She has encyclopedic knowledge of how to reduce all those, which she got when her abusive dad told her she had to become a doctor or else he would beat her.

Instead of studying, she went running by the quarry and was bitten by the buffest radioactive chipmunk you’ve ever seen. She absorbed its powers and left with super memory and a six pack.

iPhone Promoter

She can block all incoming and outgoing phone signals within a 300 meter radius. Not WiFi, but criminals use burner phones anyway.

She has an exceptional sense of when people are stressed and can turn on “Zen Mode” which makes people chill out and also makes all their non-essential personal items (3.5 mm jack headphones) disappear for the sake of simplicity.

Existential Despair Woman

When a time traveler from the future found her wanting to jump off a bridge, he gave her the option to go back to any time she wanted, so she could have perspective on the past and therefore the future. She picked the 1930s so she could become the Mistress of Jean Paul Sartre.

She doesn’t age, so she can experience all the dregs of humanity for centuries, or at least until a villain discovers they can just shoot her in the back of the head when she isn’t looking.

The Freelance Writer

She’s really good at SEO. That’s about it. She’ll have her breakthrough book one day.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s