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Weird News Wednesday one day late.  I’m so glad I never committed to do PostADay, because I was super sick yesterday and would have most certainly failed at that endeavor.

Via The Smoking Gun.

It’s unclear from the news articles the time frame or exact order in which all of the following things happened, but they apparently all happened in one day.

  • Couple drinks, smokes the reefer, and drops acid.
  • Couple gets naked.
  • Couple gives their Dachshund a gummy worm laced with LSD.
  • Dachshund freaks out and escapes from the house, running.
  • Couple goes outside naked on highway in futile attempt to find their tripping dog while tripping.
  • People call cops on naked people on highway.
  • Dachshund gets hits by a car.  He bites two people trying to help him and then dies at an animal hospital.
  • Couple is arrested for disorderly conduct and, while in custody, asks the officers if they knew where their dog was.

Moral of the story:  Don’t dose your dog, because that’s animal cruelty.  And always have a tripsitter.

—-

A less dark and depressing story from last week via MSNBC.

An 8-foot tall Lego guy washed up on the shore of Siesta Key beach in Florida last week.  It’s believed by many to be the work of Dutch artist Leon Keer, possibly as a viral promotion of his participation in the current Sarasota Chalk Festival, but he denies ownership of the giant sculpture…

even though it has the words “Ego Leonard” written on the back, and the website for a previous 8-foot tall Lego Man,  www.egoleonard.com, is registered under Keer’s personal email address.

Categories: Weird News Wednesday Tags: acid, dachshund, ego leonard, giant lego, hallucinating dog, Leon Keer, LSD, naked while trpping

Crazy Things that Ann Coulter Says Volume CXXXII’ve run out of roman numerals.  Even Hannity seems to have a tinge of disdain.  Comment made at 0:17 of this video.

Onwards now to crazy things that Herman Cain says.  “Mexican people don’t eat sugar, especially when it’s a mixture of lice and tiger DNA.”  (1:09)

I watched nearly a minute in, embedded on another site, before realizing it was a lip dub.

Categories: Politics or: the art of looking for trouble Tags: Our blacks are so much better than their blacks

Halloween Costume Ideas for 2011.

10. Sexy Failed Jobs Bill

9.  Sexy Twitter Fail Whale

8.  Sexy Louis CK

7.  Sexy Freakin’ Rock Star from Mars

6.  Sexy Los Pollos Hermanos

5.  Sexy Moral Grey Area of Murdering a Dictator without Due Process

4. Sexy Celebrity Prenuptial Agreement

3. Sexy Global Warming

2. Sexy Police Brutality

1. Sexy Pancreatic Cancer

I was going to add descriptions, but I think I should just leave the how-to-makes to your imagination.

Categories: things that amuse me Tags: halloween 2011, sexy costumes

Gil Kerlikowske: The guy Google image search when you want human analogs of a Bulldog face.

In September 2011 The White House released an online petition tool, We the People, with the supposed goal of helping create a more open forum between the frederal government and the common people. Anyone over the age of 13 can submit a petition for public signatures.

According to NORML, “Legalize and Regulate Marijuana in a Manner Similar to Alcohol” was the most popular petition submitted, garnering 74,169 signatures in a month, which surpassed the current 25,000 signature requirement for an official response.

The White House posted their response this Friday titled “What We Have to Say About Legalizing Marijuana” which said, “Simply put [marijuana] is not a benign drug,” and used language that was essentially a tepid endorsement of The War of Drugs.

NORML posted an extensive and scientifically cited rebuttal to the White House’s response on why National Drug Control Policy’s Gil Kerlikowske’s response was made of poor logic and lies.

The Internet has responded with “Publicly Request the Resignation of Gil Kerlikowske,” which echoes NORML’s rebuttal post points and ends succinctly with:

We demand the resignation of Gil Kerlikowske; and the legalization of marijuana.

View and sign this WhiteHouse.gov petition here. 

Categories: Politics or: the art of looking for trouble Tags: Gil Kerlikowske, legalization of marijuana, National Drug Control Policy, NORML, petition site, the war of drugs, we the people, whitehouse.gov

After taking about a 5 month hiatus from what is favorite blog-comic amalgamation ever, today writer Allie Brosh finally posted a new one titled, “Adventures in Depression.”

“But trying to use willpower to overcome the apathetic sort of sadness that accompanies depression is like a person with no arms trying to punch themselves until their hands grow back. A fundamental component of the plan is missing and it isn’t going to work.”

I would comment with something about clinical depression, but at the moment I’m too busy cross-analyzing myself with the blog-comic and stuffing my face with carbs.

But next time I get that incontrollable urge to spend money I don’t have in a futile attempt to offset deep emotional wounds with material possessions, I hope Allie Brosh’s book will be out, because I will totally buy it.

Categories: Viral Things Tags: Adventures in Depression, allie brosh, hyperbole and a half

As of this week, I own the domain name ClantilyScad.com. Anything scandalousmuffin.wordpress.com will redirect there. I love WordPress’s simple yet highly functional interface for blogging and I hope they continue being awesome.

I also played with the sub-header. It was formerly “Dyslexistentialist Musings of a Misanthropic Twat.”  Now it’s “Dyslexistentalist Commentary of the Culturally Incorrect Kind.” [edit: made it even shorter] The truth is, albeit a being a pessimist with a penchant for sarcasm on the internet, I’m actually really a nice person and no one’s ever actually called me a twat.

Does having a domain name give me more legitimacy as a blogger? No, not really. Some of the best blogs have URLs that are dot wordpress or dot blogspot. But domain registration and mapping is pretty cheap these days, and  I wanted to claim the eponymous URL before someone else did.

About the Name of the Blog.

Scantily Clad -> Clantily Scad is an example of metathesis, the reversal of consonant sounds in adjacent words.

Dyslexic + Existentialist = Dyslexistentialist is an example of portmanteau, the melding of two words, sound and meaning, into one. It’s a reference to my disorganized writing style and penchant for struggling with the meaning of the everything.

I can’t claim credit for the title. Back in 2008, when I wanted to start a non-autobiographical blog, I asked my friends on Livejournal what it should be named.  My friend Sara suggested “Clantily Scad.” I liked the title and so it was.  This was my first post ever.

Why is Everything is Sexual Innuendo with You?

I don’t think scantily scad/clantily scad is a necessarily sexual. Or everything is sexual. I don’t know; it’s probably the latter. Freud.

My internet handle, scandalousmuffin, is old. A combination of a couple nicknames from high school. I don’t really like it anymore, but I can assure you, it was not meant as a reference to vagina.

A big search term that people try to find my site is “scad porn.” These people are stupid. “Scad porn” is not a thing. They’re probably thinking of scat porn, because nothing says true love like being covered in human feces. Sorry to disappoint, pervs.

What Now?

One of the things I’ve been struggling with is what direction I should take with the blog.

I recognize that I don’t have a consistent theme or style. This is probably the primary reason I don’t have a lot subscribers despite certain posts garnering a lot of attention and comments. Some posts are fluffy and others are highly technical. Some are for pure amusement and others tackle serious issues.  Some are satirical and others couldn’t be more concrete. Some are simply re-blogs of popular columnists I’m into at the moment and others are autobiographical essays.

Since I was all Freudian earlier, I think I should mention that one things I’ve been thinking of writing more on, but feel would be out of place on the blog is sex. The issue is that I feel like the overlap of people that want to read about Kink and Keynesian Economics in the same blog consists of just me.

It’s evolving.  I’ll figure out. I’ll never stop writing.

And to my subscribers/bookmarkers/online stalkers, here’s a picture that I didn’t make but it still applies to you:

Categories: Autobiographical Stories, meta-blogging Tags: a blog story, blog, blogging, Clantily Scad, domain name, learning from blogging, personal blog, writing

Legalize Armadillos. Regulate and tax them for revenue.

I have two fairly different links for you today.

The first is “Man Allegedly Beat Woman with Frozen Armadillo.”

According to investigators, the altercation occurred when the suspect was selling the carcass to the victim, who planned to eat the animal.

The pair apparently began arguing over the price of the item when the man twice threw the armadillo at the woman.

Everyone be careful out there in your back-alley armadillo meat deals. Seriously, though, I’m curious how much illegal armadillo meats goes for per pound out there.

Maybe this could be the new premise of the final season of Breaking Bad. Walt gives up his life of making meth to engage in the lucrative business of armored-shelled carcass sales. But the Mexican Armadillo Cartel gets a wind of his activities and seeks a bloody revenge.

The second article is “‘Buffalo Beast’ editor faces jail time for using dildo at protest.”

Good job, Raw Story, at making your news titles ambiguously worded.

Apparently, the guy had a dildo on a microphone and was trying to interview counter-protesters at a National Organization for Marriage rally. The officer arrested him for making obscene gestures with the ‘dildophone’ and for calling her and her fellow officers “assholes.”

Calling a cop an “asshole” is clearly a first Amendment right. I’m trying to find out if there’s any legal basis for obscenity charges. Using my amateur legal research skills, which I previously used to find out that it’s legal to be naked in public if its part of a performance, I found that NY state defines “obscenity” very vaguely, and the state penal code seems to only cover distribution of obscene materials to minors. But I doubt that there is any basis for obscenity charges, since now the officer seems to be now pitching that he was disrupting a “religious” event. (NOM is not registered as a religious organization.)

If you have knowledge about the legality of dildos in public, comment below.

Categories: Weird News Wednesday Tags: ambiguously titled news, armadillo meat, armadillos, dildo microphone, dildos in public, NOM