My Blog

October 2011


Archive for October, 2011

Halloween Costume Ideas for 2011.

10. Sexy Failed Jobs Bill

9.  Sexy Twitter Fail Whale

8.  Sexy Louis CK

7.  Sexy Freakin’ Rock Star from Mars

6.  Sexy Los Pollos Hermanos

5.  Sexy Moral Grey Area of Murdering a Dictator without Due Process

4. Sexy Celebrity Prenuptial Agreement

3. Sexy Global Warming

2. Sexy Police Brutality

1. Sexy Pancreatic Cancer

I was going to add descriptions, but I think I should just leave the how-to-makes to your imagination.

Categories: things that amuse me Tags: halloween 2011, sexy costumes

Gil Kerlikowske: The guy Google image search when you want human analogs of a Bulldog face.

In September 2011 The White House released an online petition tool, We the People, with the supposed goal of helping create a more open forum between the frederal government and the common people. Anyone over the age of 13 can submit a petition for public signatures.

According to NORML, “Legalize and Regulate Marijuana in a Manner Similar to Alcohol” was the most popular petition submitted, garnering 74,169 signatures in a month, which surpassed the current 25,000 signature requirement for an official response.

The White House posted their response this Friday titled “What We Have to Say About Legalizing Marijuana” which said, “Simply put [marijuana] is not a benign drug,” and used language that was essentially a tepid endorsement of The War of Drugs.

NORML posted an extensive and scientifically cited rebuttal to the White House’s response on why National Drug Control Policy’s Gil Kerlikowske’s response was made of poor logic and lies.

The Internet has responded with “Publicly Request the Resignation of Gil Kerlikowske,” which echoes NORML’s rebuttal post points and ends succinctly with:

We demand the resignation of Gil Kerlikowske; and the legalization of marijuana.

View and sign this petition here. 

Categories: Politics or: the art of looking for trouble Tags: Gil Kerlikowske, legalization of marijuana, National Drug Control Policy, NORML, petition site, the war of drugs, we the people,

After taking about a 5 month hiatus from what is favorite blog-comic amalgamation ever, today writer Allie Brosh finally posted a new one titled, “Adventures in Depression.”

“But trying to use willpower to overcome the apathetic sort of sadness that accompanies depression is like a person with no arms trying to punch themselves until their hands grow back. A fundamental component of the plan is missing and it isn’t going to work.”

I would comment with something about clinical depression, but at the moment I’m too busy cross-analyzing myself with the blog-comic and stuffing my face with carbs.

But next time I get that incontrollable urge to spend money I don’t have in a futile attempt to offset deep emotional wounds with material possessions, I hope Allie Brosh’s book will be out, because I will totally buy it.

Categories: Viral Things Tags: Adventures in Depression, allie brosh, hyperbole and a half

As of this week, I own the domain name Anything will redirect there. I love WordPress’s simple yet highly functional interface for blogging and I hope they continue being awesome.

I also played with the sub-header. It was formerly “Dyslexistentialist Musings of a Misanthropic Twat.”  Now it’s “Dyslexistentalist Commentary of the Culturally Incorrect Kind.” [edit: made it even shorter] The truth is, albeit a being a pessimist with a penchant for sarcasm on the internet, I’m actually really a nice person and no one’s ever actually called me a twat.

Does having a domain name give me more legitimacy as a blogger? No, not really. Some of the best blogs have URLs that are dot wordpress or dot blogspot. But domain registration and mapping is pretty cheap these days, and  I wanted to claim the eponymous URL before someone else did.

About the Name of the Blog.

Scantily Clad -> Clantily Scad is an example of metathesis, the reversal of consonant sounds in adjacent words.

Dyslexic + Existentialist = Dyslexistentialist is an example of portmanteau, the melding of two words, sound and meaning, into one. It’s a reference to my disorganized writing style and penchant for struggling with the meaning of the everything.

I can’t claim credit for the title. Back in 2008, when I wanted to start a non-autobiographical blog, I asked my friends on Livejournal what it should be named.  My friend Sara suggested “Clantily Scad.” I liked the title and so it was.  This was my first post ever.

Why is Everything is Sexual Innuendo with You?

I don’t think scantily scad/clantily scad is a necessarily sexual. Or everything is sexual. I don’t know; it’s probably the latter. Freud.

My internet handle, scandalousmuffin, is old. A combination of a couple nicknames from high school. I don’t really like it anymore, but I can assure you, it was not meant as a reference to vagina.

A big search term that people try to find my site is “scad porn.” These people are stupid. “Scad porn” is not a thing. They’re probably thinking of scat porn, because nothing says true love like being covered in human feces. Sorry to disappoint, pervs.

What Now?

One of the things I’ve been struggling with is what direction I should take with the blog.

I recognize that I don’t have a consistent theme or style. This is probably the primary reason I don’t have a lot subscribers despite certain posts garnering a lot of attention and comments. Some posts are fluffy and others are highly technical. Some are for pure amusement and others tackle serious issues.  Some are satirical and others couldn’t be more concrete. Some are simply re-blogs of popular columnists I’m into at the moment and others are autobiographical essays.

Since I was all Freudian earlier, I think I should mention that one things I’ve been thinking of writing more on, but feel would be out of place on the blog is sex. The issue is that I feel like the overlap of people that want to read about Kink and Keynesian Economics in the same blog consists of just me.

It’s evolving.  I’ll figure out. I’ll never stop writing.

And to my subscribers/bookmarkers/online stalkers, here’s a picture that I didn’t make but it still applies to you:

Categories: Autobiographical Stories, meta-blogging Tags: a blog story, blog, blogging, Clantily Scad, domain name, learning from blogging, personal blog, writing

Legalize Armadillos. Regulate and tax them for revenue.

I have two fairly different links for you today.

The first is “Man Allegedly Beat Woman with Frozen Armadillo.”

According to investigators, the altercation occurred when the suspect was selling the carcass to the victim, who planned to eat the animal.

The pair apparently began arguing over the price of the item when the man twice threw the armadillo at the woman.

Everyone be careful out there in your back-alley armadillo meat deals. Seriously, though, I’m curious how much illegal armadillo meats goes for per pound out there.

Maybe this could be the new premise of the final season of Breaking Bad. Walt gives up his life of making meth to engage in the lucrative business of armored-shelled carcass sales. But the Mexican Armadillo Cartel gets a wind of his activities and seeks a bloody revenge.

The second article is “‘Buffalo Beast’ editor faces jail time for using dildo at protest.”

Good job, Raw Story, at making your news titles ambiguously worded.

Apparently, the guy had a dildo on a microphone and was trying to interview counter-protesters at a National Organization for Marriage rally. The officer arrested him for making obscene gestures with the ‘dildophone’ and for calling her and her fellow officers “assholes.”

Calling a cop an “asshole” is clearly a first Amendment right. I’m trying to find out if there’s any legal basis for obscenity charges. Using my amateur legal research skills, which I previously used to find out that it’s legal to be naked in public if its part of a performance, I found that NY state defines “obscenity” very vaguely, and the state penal code seems to only cover distribution of obscene materials to minors. But I doubt that there is any basis for obscenity charges, since now the officer seems to be now pitching that he was disrupting a “religious” event. (NOM is not registered as a religious organization.)

If you have knowledge about the legality of dildos in public, comment below.

Categories: Weird News Wednesday Tags: ambiguously titled news, armadillo meat, armadillos, dildo microphone, dildos in public, NOM

The American Dream is Shiny with 0% APR.

I want to talk for a second about my friend’s mom, which is actually an amalgamation of several friends’ moms, but for the purposes of this post will be presented as a singular archetype.

(For a more academic read on cultural values read this good article by Harvard professor Juliet Schor. Or if you’re looking for statistics of US workers compared to European workers read here.)

My friend’s mom is a highly competent and well-salaried woman who is seemingly successful in all personal and professional aspects of her life. I respect her immensely for her management skills and her ability to disassemble a bed and have it stacked for moving in a minute flat. (It was the easiest helping a friend move stint I have ever done, because her mom practically did it all for me.)

MFM works as high level administrative position for a major pharmaceutical company. She has a caring husband with whom she owns a nice house, dresses well, and drives a Beemer. We get along because I’m generally pleasant and avoid political conversation with people with the title of My Friend’s Parents. Little does she know that I’m judging her, not for the qualities or material goods she possesses, but for the tacit arrogance with which she presents them.

More after cut.

Read more…

Categories: Social commentary Tags: american work ethic, ayn rand, laziness, perfectionism, rich people, self-entitlement, work stress, workaholics

Update: Barack’s campaign staff made him a Tumblr yesterday. Keep working that vanguard social media, ’12 staffers.

Mark Morford’s “Why Are You So Terribly Disappointing?” essays is one of my all time favs of his work. It’s over a year old, but still relevant:

Big f–ing deal. We just do not care. It’s all a big disappointment. Hey, I was expecting to be blown away. I was expecting miracles and transformations and multiple twitching orgasms on sight. Do not come at me with tantalizing promises only to reveal that you can fulfill most of them to a fairly good degree, and not far exceed all of them in every imaginable way…

My God, did you hear that pathetic State of the Union? That guy, that President Obama? Disappointing times a thousand, am I right? What the hell happened to him? Why is he so weak and ineffectual? Why the hell can’t he step up and fix the entire planet in under 400 days like he promised he would, in my dreams and fantasies and impossible liberal grass-fed organic tofu greengasms? Doesn’t he know I put a goddamn bumper sticker on my Subaru for him? I’ve never done that for anyone. Bastard…

But the biggest disappointment of all? Turns out one calm n’ brilliant Barack Obama isn’t enough to solve the problem of 535 vile n’ slothful congressional jackals who aren’t Barack Obama. Go figure.

I’m currently compiling Obama’s accomplishments and failures, for the last 3 years, including which ones specifically were blocked by the House Republicans. It might go up on Suite101 later; I’ve been derelict on my independent contract duties.

Categories: Politics or: the art of looking for trouble Tags: barack obama, Mark Morford, Obama tumblr, still like obama