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I’m still alive, sort of. Still lacking in motivation to produce any form of original content. My blog is like the stepchild in a broken home that I give inconsistent amounts of attention to and can’t decide if I like or not.

Filler post for December.

I’m running out filler material for this place actually; most of the poetry I wrote in high school does not stand the test of time. (Oh, the angst. Never quite The Pain Tree bad, but still cringe-worthy enough to never be shared.) But there was some clever enjambment in here that I still like.

Nerdy, Angry, Fuck

  • Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

I think it’s hot when strippers cry on their master’s degrees, when meteorologists make innuendos

when your mother pretends to be Jewish.

Sometimes I wish I had synesthesia so I could palpate youtube’s myriad turtle sex clips with my retinas though I wish there was more to do on a Friday night than watching

ugly animals fuck online.

I have a Dukakis sticker on my teenage mutant ninja turtles lunchbox from 88′ It’s currently filled with positive pregnancy tests, disposable cell phones

and a picture of your mother.

Love insurance premiums:  $99.99 a month!
Good student discounts. Press 1 for more options.

It’s like that time I asked why she didn’t love me anymore and she replied

“supply side economics.”

I told her her metaphor sucked; our relationship had too many uncertainty principles

to be graphed criss-cross on an X and Y axis,

We were more like 2 out-of-sync sine waves reaching for infinity
until the tequila ran out.

Para continuar en las lenguas románticas
oprime el número dos.

I sent a letter of complaint to her new PO Box in MN, asking her to return my soul for the full amount, in the payment method

in which it was received.

She doesn’t know it, but she’s still the spaces between my fingers when I’m clawing for sanity in my sleep and the moment mid-clasp, when I stop. Go limp. Lips.

Categories: I arted Tags: free verse, fuck, love, poem, poetry, writing

Depression has been kicking my ass recently, if it wasn’t obvious already by my normal political commentary having been replaced with long, introspective ramblings about love and sadness.

[Corey Booker is a Senator, and this is one of the few times I really wish I was still a resident of New Jersey. Oh, and apparently the shutdown is ending. Good week for Democrats.]

Here’s a poem that I didn’t write, but saved a long time ago and still like.

khe sanh rivers

by shotgunmessiah. Sep 16, 2003

sometimes when i remember how it was

I’m drinking cheap liquor from a tin cup I

had from the war and I can’t hold it

steady and it falls in the floor, spills out and

runs in the cracks in the wood and

it reminds me of that time in Khe Sanh when it

rained all day, pissing down in the muddy streamers

and collected in little pools and

wore tributaries in the mud and when it

stopped

there was a little girl skinny and naked with

just a rag wrapped around her waist and

she huddled in the waste and shit of the village

when I walked by she looked me with

these huge eyes driven deep in her face and

she held out her hand and said probably the only

word she knew “water” and again

“water” so I give some water in the tin cup I had

and she holds it and stares at her own big

brown eyes and then she crouches down

in the mud and carefully pours the water out

into the ground and flows in the rutted cracks

and makes little rivers

and when they ask me what it was like

I say “follow me” and take a cup and

fill it with water and

I go outside and pour it out in the ground

and they say “what does that mean” and I

point at the water trickling dirty through

the cracks and I say “that’s what it means”

“that’s what it’s about”

and they say I’m crazy and they

go away and leave me dripping water

on the cobblestones and laughing and

there was a little girl in Khe Sanh

who knew the truth even though

she was blown to hell the next day

Categories: Uncategorized Tags: destruction, poetry, rivers, vietnam, war, water, writing

I blogged a lot. I blogged about different things. I looked at my stats. Then I blogged more and wrote for different sites and in different ways.

This is a cute animal. On a hoodie. On a girl.

My boobs are actually much bigger than that in real life. I’m #asian and a 34C.

You should follow my blog. #boobs #boobs #boobs

Hai look, I’m talking about ASIANS and BOOBS on the INTERNET! –

Seriously, what’s up with all these “How to Blog” blogs following me. There’s too many. Find a niche, guys. If you are supposedly SEO geniuses, you should know that already.

  • “How to Write a Porn Blog.” (Be hot.)
  • “How to Be Funny.” (Rip off funny people.)
  • “How to Give Up.” (Join the Army.)
  • “How to Make Money Online.” (Stop learning SEO and learn to code.)


There you go. The secrets to success. Maybe read one or two tutorials. But mostly just try a bunch of shit and then replicate what works.

4/20, Armadillos Metaphor, T-shirt, Fuckit, Smoke Weed

Trust me, I have big boobs.

Categories: meta-blogging Tags: Asian, blog, blogging, boobs, code, hits, internet, money, popularity, programming, SEO, wordpress, write, writing

Scandalousmuffin here again with some more cross-blog promotion.

Dis mah blawh! I do wut I want!

Fashion, Beauty, Make-up, and Style Writers Wanted for Original Content Production!

Network with a talented team. Build your writing portfolio. Write about stuff and things that you like!

(Open to all styles of women and men! Good writing  and communication skills a must. Compensation possible in the future.)

I’m also looking for business partners and sponsors. No specific criteria yet, aside from fashion-themed, but let me know if you or anyone you know is interested. Also, graphic designers; F&F can haz logo?

E-mail short cover letter and resume to the address in the About page in the linkety link!

Categories: meta-blogging Tags: beauty, blog, bloggers, blogging, fashion, form, form & function, Jobs, make-up, money, Style, talent, writers, writing

I have a new side-project blog that is finally live: Form and Function Fashion Blog

I’ve posted a couple times about fashion and beauty on Clantily Scad and those posts got positive feedback. Since this blog was getting so all-over-the place with the politics and culture commentary, I decided, why not just make my own fashion blog?

I might buy a domain name for it eventually, and I definitely want to make a better layout. My graphic design skills are alright, but if anyone wants to make me a sexy logo for F&F for free, please let me know. 😛

I’m currently looking for contributing writers for Form and Function Fashion for different areas: Hair, make-up, skin care, body-type expert, etc. I already have a “Nail Art Expert” lined up. So if you’re interested in fashion and/or beauty blogging, comment with your contact info. I do have high standards for writing, just so you know, and it will also be unpaid for now unless I decide it’s getting enough traffic to monetize. (And then I’d probably split any profits proportional to writers’ post views. ) If you know anyone who is interested, send them my way to the blog or this post.

Other exciting news in Scandalousmuffin Land:

I’ve signed on as a contributing writer, probably with a health & wellness focus, to a site called The Flairist.

They are up-and-coming online magazine with a focus on career advice for young women. Give them a shout-on on Facebook, if you like them. I will have more details about exactly what I’m writing for them soon.

The Internet is really an amazing place and I feel really lucky to live in a time where I can so easily connect and talk with such interesting, talented people.  Never under-appreciate your friends, on the internet and otherwise. Things are really amazing right now.

Live, write, and love always.

Categories: Autobiographical Stories, meta-blogging Tags: beauty, blogging, career, fashion, Form and Function, networking, scandalousmuffin, Style, The Flairist, women, writing

I’ve been super busy this week with socializing and job searching, but I have been trying to maintain this blog on a semi-regular basis. When I’m lazy or there’s no interesting news about to comment on, I’ve decided to default to a good autobiographical life advice post.


For those of you that don’t know, I used to write poetry. I never thought it was that good–more like broken prose with clever enjambment. (I never did write a sonnet that I was fully happy with.) There were some cheap PoMo tricks, like line breaking on a word with multiple meanings, that I used very often back then and still do, to some extent, in my prose. But I haven’t written anything that was more poetry than than prose in recent years since non-fiction has consumed my soul.

I will testify that studying classic and modern poetry when I was a teenager has greatly improved my general writing skills as an adult. English profs know it well: When you start analyzing poetry on a functional level below interpretation and meaning, you start paying attention to literary elements like syntax, punctuation, and rhythm. And all writing starts to “flow” better.

Alliteration and assonance all over everything. < See what I did there with “alliteration” and “all?” There are also “v” sounds in “over” and “everything” that create a cohesive sound pattern. (Repetition of consonant sounds is called “consonance.”) These techniques and literary devices work, whether you’re consciously aware of them or not, and this is generally how people judge a work as “good”–based on these literary devices embedded in historical standards.

If you’re a writer, it’s good to be consciously aware of these literary devices (not to be confused with the larger concept of literary techniques), so you can use them to your advantage.

Check out those links that I hyperlinked above if you don’t know anything about poetic devices. If you’re a writer that wants to get better, and you haven’t already, start paying attention to the poetic devices that you already use.

Feel free to ask questions in the comments.

— [Edit: Sorry, I had to manually fix the HTML since it formatted weird after I prematurely submitted.]

Riddle Me Pinks…

  • by ~FireSoulPhoenix, Mar 5, 2007, 7:14:58 PM
  • Candice Hall

Baby takes another hit, she’s passed the point where peripheral vision blurs into her inverted gut and she cries about the virus of society she’s afraid

she’s catching tonight

Baby is an oxymoron,

murphy’s law on mute– the way she’ll waste bootlaces in urinals to see what shape they make when they float leave bumblebee pinstripes and chalk scrawled

half past noon,

I GOT HER PREGNANT
on the changing station

(an ephemeral epithet,
a graffiti-fied gaffe)

Oh baby, “this is the art of perfecting denial,” she’ll exhale before passing to the right because she’s just that much of an insidious

fuck

(her palms drip like the festering manifestoes of bad hair dye jobs

and thrift store sweaters)

Doctor, Doctor, don’t bother it’s Sunday now; she’s alone in a crowd. the children will be coming home for Christmas and she’s

let the cat out again.

Visual piece also from my angsty teen days:

(There were large callouses on my feet in high school, so the pins didn’t hurt.)

Categories: I arted, Knowledge has vagina dentata so don’t you fuck with it Tags: advice, angst, English, literature, poetry, prose, teenager, writing

@20SB

Since my freelance gig went under, and so did the community that followed it, I’ve been looking for ways to connect with other writers who also hustle for page hits.

Recently, I discovered SB20. They seem to fit the bill for a social networking platform that meets my needs as an online writer.

From their Facebook page:

About
Twenty Something Bloggers, the largest online community for twenty-something personal bloggers. http://www.20sb.net/

Mission

This is a place for twenty something bloggers to discover and get discovered!

Company Overview

20 Something Bloggers is the best destination on the web for digitally savvy twenty-somethings. Come join our vibrant community to discover new friends, be discovered, and get involved with a wide array of on and offline events.

My only criticism so far is that they can’t figure out if they want to stylize it to Twenty Something Bloggers or 20 Something Bloggers. I want to know for consistency purposes! Oh wait, there’s a forum for that question 🙂

I think this site has a lot of potential, but has a small enough community where you can still be able to interact with people on a fun and manageable scale. It’s a great idea and was executed beautifully; they have integrated lots of cool social networking features like chat, while keeping it simple. I would encourage other bloggers to join.

Hat Tip to Short Stories and Sustenance for hipping me to this site.

Categories: Autobiographical Stories, meta-blogging Tags: 20 Something Bloggers, 20sb, blogging, blogs, community, networking, Twenty Something Bloggers, writers, writing