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Weird News Wednesday

Via The New Zealand Herald:

“The eel was about the size of a decent sprig of asparagus and the incident is the talk of the place,” a hospital source said. “Doctors and nurses have come across people with strange objects that have got stuck where they shouldn’t be before, but an eel has to be a first.”

It is unclear how the eel managed to be trapped inside the man. It is believed medics successfully removed it and the man was later discharged.

This blog is classy.

Categories: Weird News Wednesday, What The Fuck Wednesday Tags: butt, eel, new zealand, news, weird news

I completely forgot about WTF Wednesday this week. Sorry, guys.

In my humble apologies, I offer a turtle eating a shrimp:

In other news, everyone has heard about the Bronx Zoo guy that jumped off the monorail into the tiger pit.

It was unclear from the initial reports whether he was suicidal, crazy, or on drugs. Detective reports now suggest crazy.

Associated Press:

Before his now-infamous tangle with a Bronx Zoo tiger, David Villalobos adorned his Facebook page with New Age odes to Mother Earth and affirmations like, “Be love and fearless.”

Police said Saturday that Villalobos had told detectives that it was without fear that he leaped from an elevated train into the animal’s den. His reason, they said, was that “he wanted to be one with the tiger.”

Also, I got a pingback on my last post from Alan.com, which is Alan Colmes’s blog. (You know, the liberal half of Blank and Hannity.) So that was pretty sweet. Thanks, Alan, or guy responsible for posting on his blog.

Categories: Weird News Wednesday, What The Fuck Wednesday Tags: alan colmes, alan.com, animals, bronx zoo, David Villalobos, news, tiger pit, turtle, turtle attack, weird news

This is a Weird News Wednesday one day late.

Mug shots and story via The Daily Mail:

A university lab technician was arrested after he was found intoxicated with his pants down, surrounded by two monkeys who had been released from their cages.

Coley Mitchell was discovered by a co-worker sitting in a chair, half naked, in a locker room at Georgia Health Sciences University on August 13…

When police officers asked the 32-year-old to leave the facility, he was aggressive and uncooperative, according to WRDW-TV.

Good times, those monkey parties. Relevant Song.

Categories: Weird News Wednesday Tags: animated .gif, drunk, funny, GHSU, lab technician, laboratory, monkey, monkeys, weird news

Weird News Wednesday, today accompanied by an a cappella song.

San Francisco Chronicle:  Man with ‘world’s biggest penis’ stopped at SFO security

Jonah Falcon, 41, who has been featured in several documentaries about the world’s biggest penises, was returning from a trip in San Francisco on July 9 when he was stopped at security by TSA agents who spotted something out of the ordinary hanging to the left in his pants, he said…

“It was probably harder on them than it was on me,” Falcon said.

Categories: Weird News Wednesday, What The Fuck Wednesday Tags: a cappella, cock, Da Vinci’s Notebook, dick, Enormous Penis, Jonah Falcon, penis, weird news, world’s largest penis

Weird New Wednesday

Tests in cannibalism case: Zombie-like attacker used pot, not ‘bath salts’

CNN:

Rudy Eugene, 31, was killed by a police officer after Eugene’s 18-minute attack on a homeless man. His body didn’t show “any other street drugs, alcohol or prescription drugs, or any adulterants found in street drugs,” according to the Miami-Dade County Medical Examiner Department.

“The department has also sought the assistance of an outside forensic toxicology reference laboratory, which has confirmed the absence of ‘bath salts,’ synthetic marijuana and LSD,” the statement said.

The media talked about bath salts with such authority I thought there was evidence or something. Mainstream media fail.

Oh god, Time Magazine is now calling him the “Cannabis Cannibal.”  I’m guessing schizophrenia on this one, maybe made worse by the pot. One of the really rare cases that make you violent.

What’s more bizarre to me is, how did the homeless guy let someone gnaw on his face for so long? They released pictures of the victim and the damage is pretty intense. Even if you’re really, drunk adrenaline should kick in and make your life-or-death mechanism kick in.

Categories: Weird News Wednesday, What The Fuck Wednesday Tags: bath salts, drugs, homeless guy, Miami face-eater, weird news

I’m 10 minutes late EST.  It’s still Wednesday in California.

Back before I went into the 6-month blog void of personal fucked-upness, I used to do a Weird News Wednesday just to give my blog some sort of structure.  I’ve decided to bring it back but with super lax rules.  Every Wednesday I will post weird news, a webcomic, a weird wikipedia article, or, if I get really lazy, simply a picture that elicits “What the fuck?”

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I have a trifecta of weird news articles today.

1.

Miami face-eater is identified; cause of attack is a mystery

Witnesses and police have said Eugene was naked Saturday when he attacked another naked man on the MacArthur Causeway next to the Miami Herald building, chewing up to 80% of the victim’s face off. A police officer commanded him to stop, and when Eugene didn’t, the officer shot him as many as six times.

2.

Police: Hackensack man stabbed himself and threw intestines at officers

Carter was in the corner of the room with a knife in his hand, and he stood up, he yelled at police while stabbing himself all over his body. Officers noticed that his intestines were protruding from a wound in his abdomen, Heinemann said. Carter allegedly threw some of his skin and intestines at officers as they tried to enter the room, Heinemann said.

3.

Man hits car driven by nun, has iPhone stolen

Police said the nun was taken to hospital as a precaution and suffered minor injuries. After the collision, the male driver attempted to call 911 on his iPhone.

However, the male driver was shaken up after the crash and had trouble operating the phone. A passerby offered to help him with the phone, but then ran off with the device when the driver handed it to him.

The news is all about mentally ill people and assholes these days.

Categories: Weird News Wednesday, What The Fuck Wednesday Tags: face eater, lynchian, psychosis, weird news

The 27-year-old takes a size 13 right shoe size while his left is slightly bigger and measures 14-and-a-half. But when he ordered his custom-fit slipper, manufacturers in China misread size 14.5 and accidently made one that’s a whopping 7ft long – size 1,450, or XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXL. A company spokesman for Monster Slippers said sorry to Tom, from Ilford, East London, and explained the mistake occurred because of a “translation error”. –from Mirror UK

That story was everything I wanted it to be.

To buy the Monster Claw Slippers in not size 1,450 here’s the page at Monster Slippers UK.

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Side note – I feel like I’m reaching a level of blog popularity where I’m actually concerned newspapers are going to complain for me re-posting their images.  I realize I haven’t offered enough commentary and criticism to make my re-use of images have clear standing under “fair use” copyright law. So let me be clear…

Commentary:  That’s a big fucking slipper.

Criticism:  You need to trim your monster’s toenails, sir.  Or at least file them.  They are excessively long and pointy.

Categories: Weird News Wednesday Tags: custom shoes, fair use, giant shoe, giant slipper, weird news