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Via The Daily Mail UK:

A Bradford housewife has claimed she spent five years as a child being raised by monkeys in the Colombian jungle.

Marina Chapman said she was kidnapped for ransom in the 1950s when she was just five years old and abandoned in the jungle, with her captors believed to have botched the abduction.

For five years, she lived a Tarzan-style existence with a colony of Capuchin monkeys.

She’s currently writing a book.

All she needs to do is add a part being born from royalty and bam–Disney film screenwriter.

Categories: Weird News Wednesday, What The Fuck Wednesday Tags: capuchin, Colombia, feral child, monkey, UK

Weird News Wednesday

Via The New Zealand Herald:

“The eel was about the size of a decent sprig of asparagus and the incident is the talk of the place,” a hospital source said. “Doctors and nurses have come across people with strange objects that have got stuck where they shouldn’t be before, but an eel has to be a first.”

It is unclear how the eel managed to be trapped inside the man. It is believed medics successfully removed it and the man was later discharged.

This blog is classy.

Categories: Weird News Wednesday, What The Fuck Wednesday Tags: butt, eel, new zealand, news, weird news

I completely forgot about WTF Wednesday this week. Sorry, guys.

In my humble apologies, I offer a turtle eating a shrimp:

In other news, everyone has heard about the Bronx Zoo guy that jumped off the monorail into the tiger pit.

It was unclear from the initial reports whether he was suicidal, crazy, or on drugs. Detective reports now suggest crazy.

Associated Press:

Before his now-infamous tangle with a Bronx Zoo tiger, David Villalobos adorned his Facebook page with New Age odes to Mother Earth and affirmations like, “Be love and fearless.”

Police said Saturday that Villalobos had told detectives that it was without fear that he leaped from an elevated train into the animal’s den. His reason, they said, was that “he wanted to be one with the tiger.”

Also, I got a pingback on my last post from Alan.com, which is Alan Colmes’s blog. (You know, the liberal half of Blank and Hannity.) So that was pretty sweet. Thanks, Alan, or guy responsible for posting on his blog.

Categories: Weird News Wednesday, What The Fuck Wednesday Tags: alan colmes, alan.com, animals, bronx zoo, David Villalobos, news, tiger pit, turtle, turtle attack, weird news

WTF Wednesday – Weird News Wednesday

A Bowl of Ambergris or: Whale Excrement

According to NBC:

Charlie Naysmith stumbled upon the loaf-sized lump at Hengistbury Head, on the southern coast of England, the Bournemouth Echo reported over the weekend.

As far as Charlie was concerned, it was just a seaside curiosity. But after doing some research, he and his family determined that the curious lump could be worth somewhere between £10,000 and £40,000 ($15,850 to $63,350).

“We have discovered it is quite rare and are waiting for some more information from marine biology experts,” the boy’s father, Alex, told the Echo.

Dude, I want a pet whale, so I can harvest its excrement for money.

According to the wikipedia page for the substance called amebergris, which can come out of either end of the whale, Moby Dick had an entire chapter dedicated to the stuff. Remind me to never read Moby Dick. Or stand in front of a whale anus.

Categories: Weird News Wednesday, What The Fuck Wednesday Tags: ambergris, England, gross, poop, UK, vomit, whale

Not really Weird News, but still the most interesting thing on Digg today. Why do Gentleman Pandas pee upside-down? Answer: For the Lady Pandas.

Via the UK’s Daily Mail – video narrated by David Attenborough:

The higher the scent is, the better their personal message spreads, so some clever panda along the evolutionary line began doing a handstand, allowing him to get his pee a little bit higher than any other panda in the forest…

Along with the urine, pandas also secrete ‘anogenital gland secretions’, a waxy substance which indicates the age and sex of the panda to curious observers.

The researchers said: ‘Aiming urine backwards and hitting the target is probably no easy task, particularly when doing a handstand, so selection of larger trees for urine marks probably maximizes the amount of urine that reaches the target.

Categories: Weird News Wednesday, What The Fuck Wednesday Tags: animals, cute, daily mail, mating, nature, panda, Pandas, pee, tree, urinate

This is a Weird News Wednesday one day late.

Mug shots and story via The Daily Mail:

A university lab technician was arrested after he was found intoxicated with his pants down, surrounded by two monkeys who had been released from their cages.

Coley Mitchell was discovered by a co-worker sitting in a chair, half naked, in a locker room at Georgia Health Sciences University on August 13…

When police officers asked the 32-year-old to leave the facility, he was aggressive and uncooperative, according to WRDW-TV.

Good times, those monkey parties. Relevant Song.

Categories: Weird News Wednesday Tags: animated .gif, drunk, funny, GHSU, lab technician, laboratory, monkey, monkeys, weird news

WTF Wednesday – Weird News Wednesday

News regarding Mittens and Co.

1. For counties, the greater the dependence on federal aid, the greater the support for Republican candidates.

2.  “His eyes are just so blue. It’s like looking into a Smurf’s anus.” – Jon Stewart.

The Daily Show 8/13: http://on.cc.com/NgSZDk

3. Mitt Romney campaign rep freaks the fuck out on CNN when questioned about differences between Romney’s and Ryan’s Medicare plans. Tim Pawlenty responds by suggesting the anchor doesn’t speak English.

4.


5.  Reddit: “My name is Rob Zerban. I am the Democratic Congressional challenger to Rep. Paul Ryan in Wisconsin’s 1st District.”

Categories: Politics or: the art of looking for trouble, Weird News Wednesday, What The Fuck Wednesday Tags: GOP primary, jon stewart, Mitt Romney, Paul Ryan, paul ryan shirtless, politics, reddit, republicans