My Blog

Preemptively Hating the New Facebook “Timeline”

Facebook released a video with a preview of the new “timeline” profiles to be released… they keep changing the date.  They last said Wednesday for beta, but other sources have been pushing the date back.

The tag says “Tell your life story with a new kind of profile.”

But I don’t want to tell my life story with a new of profile.  Because my life has largely been boring if you don’t count the drugs.  Most people are insanely boring.  When everyone you kinda talked to at a party that one time and was kinda interesting has their own page of individuality and stream-of-conscious thoughts, you stop paying attention to everyone.

Apparently, the trending thing in social media is “timelines.” Twitter has a “timeline.”  You know how often I look at Twitter?  Once a day.  And I manually click on the comedians I like  to see if they have funny one-liners and that’s it.  If I leave the window open for 5 minutes, 2o people will post 100 tweets I don’t give a shit about.  Sorry @BarackObama.

I associate the word “timeline” with crappy 7th grade history class projects where the hippie teacher was too lazy to actually grade people on what they learned so they graded you on who could print the best pictures from the Internet and glue it to a date on a posterboard.  Nobody care about what happened to you in 1993 unless you invented the cure for cancer or did something hilarious that they can use it now to embarrass you.

Because too much shit has happened in history at every moment in time.  Literally, there are 7 Billion on this planet and each one has shit more than once.  And then they have babies and pets and they shit.  How many trillion shits is that over time?

If you want me to pay attention to you, make a blog, say funny things, and I’ll bookmark you and read you when I want to.

People on SodaHead hate the changes that were already made. Infographic in the link.