Posts Tagged ‘GOP primary debate’
Herman Cain grabbing the voluptuous bosom of America.
In the October 12, 2011 Bloomberg GOP primary debate, Michelle Bachmann reveals that Herman Cain’s chief economic advisor is, in fact…
When you turn it upside-down, I think the Devil’s in the details.
[Insert picture of Beelzebub writing reforms of IRS tax code in the blood of middle-class Americans.]
Yes, the big debate last night centered around Herman’s “9-9-9 plan,” which would change the federal income, cooperate, and sales tax from “What the fuck are they now?” each to a flat 9%. The plan was mentioned a total of 85 times in the debate and repeatedly confused with the price of a 16″ pie with extra cheese.
When pressed by moderators on his specific economic counsel, Cain deflected from his involvement in the Dark Arts and cited Some Guy from Cleveland, Ohio.
Satan could not be reached directly for commentary, but his press secretary told reporters:
We will roast the non-believers over pits of burning skin made from the flesh flayed off their own backs.
The rest of the debate went as expected with all the candidates rolling around in their collective sweet sweet lie juices. Charlie Rose reaffirmed his role in American media as the witty but serious, wise wizard of interviewers. And the Dartmouth college students who showed up in the audience out of intellectual respect for knowing “the other side” remained too stoned to effectively analyze the debate.
Satirical “Annotated Transcripts” of past debates here and here. Live-blog of the Tea Party debate from Sept. here.
Categories: satire Tags: 9-9-9 plan, 999 plan, Bloomberg debate analysis, devil’s plan, GOP primary debate, Herman Cain, October 12 debate, satire
Rick Santorum awkwardly pretending he’s not suing one of the sponsors of this debate.
Not only is Google-Fox an awkward partnership, but Rick Santorum, who seemingly forgot how freedom of speech works, is in the middle of litigating Google because his children can’t Google search his name.
Mitt Romney: “My book has absolutely no lies and has been ratified by Massachusetts, our Founding Fathers, and Joseph Smith. But nice try, Rick Perry, nice try.”
Rick Perry: “I have no articulate rebuttal to Mr. Great Hair, because I have the debate skills of a drunk marmoset. I would, however, like to see Cain and Gingrich mate and make their lovechild my VP.”
Jon Huntsman: “I can prove I’m less of an asshole this round!”
Herman Cain: “We can fix everything because everything is broken! Just use the Chilean model (minus the trapped miners).”
Rick Santorum: “I forgot what DADT was.”
Michelle Bachmann: “I forgot that Ronald Reagan actually had a lower approval rating than Obama has right now.”
Ron Paul: “I’m only relevant in straw polls!”
Newt Gingrich: “I’m only relevant in the 90s!”
Gary Johnson: “Since Tim Pawlenty is out I claim his ‘Who the Fuck is That Guy?” title!”
FOX Crowd: “Where’s the tail-gate party for racist homophobes?”
Read the live-blog from the last debate, the CNN/Tea Party debate, here or my annotated transcript from the September Politico debate here.
Read the real, full transcript at Politisite. Or watch TPM’s Debate in 100 Seconds video. Some of the jokes here (like the Cain-Gingrich lovechild joke) will make more sense if you do.
Categories: Politics or: the art of looking for trouble Tags: Fox news, Google, GOP primary, GOP Primary candidates, GOP primary debate, Rick Santorum, September 22
Mitt Romney holding an invisible baby.
Newt Gingrich: “I’m a Democrat tonight!”
Rick Perry: “Fuck Mitt Romney. (And the Mexicans. Execute them all.)”
Mitt Romney: “Don’t listen to Rick Perry. Massachusetts is special.”
Rick Santorum: “I’m sorry. My mouth is too full of fecal matter to make a difference.”
Ron Paul: “The free market will always give it to me better than Rick Santorum.”
Herman Cain: “I would have good talking points, if only the audience didn’t want to lynch me.”
Jon Huntsman: “I’m above these partisan politics. Not.”
Michelle Bachmann: “Stop stealing my thunder!”
Everybody: “Barack Obama is a failure and socialist! Lower taxes! I will suck the embalmed cock of Ronald Reagan!”
For the real debate, watch it on Politico or read the full transcript from NYT.
Categories: Politics or: the art of looking for trouble, satire Tags: GOP primary debate, lower taxes, Mitt Romney, Politico, Republican debate, rick perry, Ronald Reagan Library, September 7
Image via flickr’s DonkeyHotey. Pretend ‘June’ is ‘August’
TPM compiles a video of some highlights of the August 11, 2011 Republican debate. It was more interesting than the first GOP primary debate for sure.
The Daily Beast declares Rick Perry as the winner. They also compiled their 7 favorite moments from the debate.
T-Paw blew it big time in this debate, says Salon’s Steve Kornacki, and didn’t do much except try to tear Bachmann a new one. And they all generally defensive about fiscal policy questioning, according to the NY Times.
BarackObama.com has put together “a helpful guide to a few of the more fascinating positions they’ve taken.” The charts pays close attention to what the candidates said–and what they didnt say. Will they backtrack? Will they double down? Will they hope we forget?
Herman Cain signed off closed off his portion of the debate (where he tried and failed to temper his earlier remarks about Muslims) with: “A poet once said, ‘Life can be a challenge, life can seem impossible, but it’s never easy when there’s so much on the line.” Daily Intel identifies the quote as disco singer Donna Summer, from her song The Power of One. She recorded it just over a decade ago as the theme song for Pokémon: The Movie 2000.
Categories: Politics or: the art of looking for trouble Tags: 2011 debate, August 11, GOP primary debate, Herman Cain, Iowa debate, Pokémon: The Movie 2000, republican candidates