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(CC) Creative Commons, attribution, noncommercial, 2005. Candice Hall.

Something for the Boys

by Heather Bell

1. i sure as hell wasn’t east of eden, more like west of grant boulevard in a city that should be burned down. He was test-driving my new car, i was thinking how people are kind of “exit only,” and i’m always the stupid kid jiggling the handle outside for hours.

2. i don’t know if people wear hearts on sleeves anymore. it seems a stupid idea anyway. when you’re drunk and fucking you’re most likely naked too.

3. in the parking lot of walgreen’s an orange cat hit his car’s hood and i jumped, frightened. he was smiling a little when he said he didn’t love me anymore but let’s be friends! let’s get our prescriptions together! let’s be the regularly scheduled program! and still drink pepsi and go to church! in the parking lot of walgreen’s i kept thinking about that cat. like, what if it was homeless. and needed me.

4. i collect magnets on my refrigerator and coffee mugs from displaced little towns. so far i have one mug. and two magnets. i also collect love letters. i have almost the same amount of letters as the amount of blowjobs i have given and handjobs i have given and times i have worked like a drug mule for the united states government. which is not very much.

5. he told me he wanted proof of this love thing i was always talking about. i said here’s your proof you asshole and i flicked him off. some people will just never get it.

6. i just want to love someone like a jew about to be led away to crucifixion.

7. mama tells me its like archeology. at the top is mostly used condoms and old beer bottles. don’t mistake dirt for beauty. unless you want dirt, she says. some people want that, she says. some people do.

8. my most recent finding sleeps in my bed like a roman arch. he told me he might want to live by elephant head road. i think that sounds fine to me. i wonder if you hear them at night, the thunder of their mating so clumsy and outrageous. he says maybe maybe doll baby and trips over our suitcases, laughing.

9. i start collecting postage stamps for all the places we will go. a couple years ago i was dating this guy who had a box in his room labeled “human remains,” but when i opened it there was nothing inside. i’m so glad i no longer know that guy. postage stamps seem much easier to keep track of.

10. i wake up suddenly at four am just to make sure the man i love is still breathing. he finds me in the closet hours later ripping up the love letters, laughing, calling them communist propaganda, mosquito nets, pornographic material. i say look at these, these chain letters. don’t you hate chain letters? so do i. so do i. no one ever replies unless they are really desperate or really in love.

From Heather Bell’s Poetry Collection: “How to Make People Love You.”

Categories: Cool Shit Tags: art, boys, heather bell, love, poem, poetry

This was the first piece I did for my first art class “Design Fundamentals” in high school.

POETRY for the Deaf

Click for full resolution

I didn’t really draw back then and still don’t. But I discovered I liked painting (acrylics) my freshman year in stage crew and decided to take an introductory art class the next year. I took several pictures of my own hand for use as reference pictures in this drawing. It’s entirely #2 pencil if I remember.

My art teacher loved it, and put it in the art show.

Then when I took it home, my Asian dad disowned me because it wasn’t technically perfect.

I had low self-esteem as a child.

ASL Alphabet Chart Here.

Categories: I arted Tags: #2, art, Drawing, hand, hands, Human Form, Pencil, Shading, Sketch, Sketching

1. I fucking love science

2. Trust me, I’m a designer

IPhone watercolor case

3. George Takei – I really hope I’m as hip as George Takei when I’m 75.

“I find her lack of black…fabulous.”

“Get it at www.itsoktobetakei.com

Original concept: Comedian Keith Lowell Jensen, Sacramento CA

Proceeds benefit my show “Allegiance.” Thanks!”

Categories: things that amuse me, Viral Things Tags: art, Facebook, gay, george takei, i fucking love science, I’m a designer, memes, social media, Star Trek, Star Wars, trust me

My Photoshop skills ain’t what they used to be.

I have a bunch of stuff sitting around in my old DeviantArt account that I can use as filler posts here when I don’t feel like writing or analyzing the news.

There was a bunch of drama at DA in 2005-2006 when they went for-profit, involuntarily terminated one of the founders, and then readjusted their terms of use to have a “non-exclusive, royalty-free license to reproduce, distribute, re-format, store, prepare derivative works based on, and publicly display and perform Your Content.” They also fired and banned a bunch of gallery directors who protested.

DA also had a close-knit, talented writing community back in the day. I actually learned a lot about the technical aspects of poetry from that site. But everyone left when they realized how many shitty writers only interested +fav circle jerks were on the site.

Flickr and other sites that don’t rape your artist rights kinda makes them obsolete.

Categories: I arted Tags: art, artists, circle jerk, DA, deviantart, digital art, photomanipulation, photoshop

It’s graphic-ful week here at Clantily Scad. I’ll do some writing soon. Promise.

So over at the Ze Frank message boards someone named Hedonism Bot offered to draw us sportsracers.

It took some time with the high volume, but she finally got to me. I think she did a good job!  I like the style. Go check out the thread.

I will add this to the list of people that have drawn me.

Drawing from a girl named Maireni a few years ago (It’s NOT my birthday, btw. Just here for reference):

And I’ll never be short of avatar pics.

Categories: Autobiographical Stories Tags: a show, art, drawings, online community, portrait, sports racers, sportsracers, ze frank

I ordered boots from shoebuy.com nearly 2 weeks ago. A few days ago, I sent them a nice e-mail asking why they haven’t shipped them yet. No response! The original confirmation e-mail said that they would ship in “1-5 days.”

At this point, I don’t even know if they actually have them in stock. For a big site with so much advertising, you’d think they’d have better customer service.

I drew a nice picture with explosive diarrhea expressing my sentiments for this online retailer.

I’m in NJ at the moment where it’s easier to ship things and going back to Brooklyn permanently on the 11th. If they don’t tell me what’s going on by Saturday, I’m going to try to contact them again to cancel the order.

Categories: I arted, Reviews Tags: art, boots, customer service, graphic design, poop in shoe, poopy shoe, shoebuy review, shoebuy.com

I did this in 2004:

Photoshop. Airbrush, line tool, and a lot of grain filters + blur tool.

I’ve never actually worked with oil paint, but I want to.

Categories: I arted Tags: angst, art, Der Schrei der Natur, edvard munch, expressionist, german, painting, photoshop, the scream