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Werner Herzog Reads Where’s Waldo: transcript

I couldn’t find a full transcription anywhere, so I did it myself.

Hello, blog. I missed you.  I’ll do followups to my NIA article and start commenting on current events sometime soon.

In the meantime, enjoy some existential loneliness with a throwback to our childhoods:


Werner Herzog voiceover:

Where’s Waldo

Where to begin? [Sigh] Top left corner.  Hidden somewhere in this noisy, chaotic morass of society is our fellow traveler—Waldo—a man unstuck from place and time, he travels the world on foot.  His only lifeline to his friends and family, a litany of dreary picture postcards sent from arbitrary locations the world over.  His postcards do nothing to convey the humanity, the madness of Waldo’s adventures.   For that, we must go find him.

Waldo leaves trinkets scattered behind him, shedding a wake of objects as he goes. What story do these leavings tell?  They are a series of transmissions from the past sent in a code we cannot decipher.   Is that a scroll or merely a rolled up towel?  After trying so hard to find the scroll, are we sure we can handle the real answer?

Occasionally, Waldo is all but impossible to ferret out.  Sometimes, it seems like he’s barely trying.   At the ski slopes, I find him almost immediately.   At the sea, I hunt until I am mad, and yet Waldo does not real himself to me.  Oh, there he is.  Hello my little friend.

Wait a moment.  Who is that man with a beard?  I have seen him before.  Is he pursuing Waldo from place to place, country to country?  Someone must warn our hero.  What is everyone so occupied with at the airport that they miss the man of the hour right before them.  Perhaps they are experiencing a collective nightmare of impending disaster.

Who is Waldo’s pursuer meeting with at the museum?  If only I could warn Waldo of this conspiracy.  His naiveté will be his undoing, as it will be for each of us in turn.

Why all this traveling?  We search for Waldo, but what is Waldo searching for? Perhaps he is not searching at all but running from something.  Does this man even want to be found?  Or in searching for Waldo, did we really find ourselves?

No.  Probably not.