Dark Existentialist Book Written by a 4-Year-Old

I found this in my closet collecting dust. I’m guessing I was about 4 or 5 when I wrote it, because I know that by 6, I could string together complete sentences and by 8, I was reading Tolkein. Ah, early relics of childhood creativity. It reminds me of “I Am Better Than Your Kids.” 

Introducing the world premiere of:

“Jamie Wants to Play”

I’m glad dyslexia is a normal part of childhood development and I grew out of that.

It’s 11 pages, so bear with me.

We begin in medias res. Jamie is asking his dad “Why?”

Jamie really wants to play.

I think the kid’s persuasive argument was met by child abuse.

The permissive mother archetype.

Fuck the what.

Ok, what I think is happening is that he fell off the grass onto the road.

Oncoming headlights.

And boom goes the dynamite.


That’s the end. I didn’t write any more of the story.

I don’t know if I just got lazy or distracted by candy, but it ends with Jamie laying dying in a pool of his own blood. Kind of disturbing for a 4-year-old but nonetheless demonstrates an early conceptualization of the fragility of the human body.

Moral of the story:  It doesn’t matter if you want to play today, because we’re all going to die.

The End


3 thoughts on “Dark Existentialist Book Written by a 4-Year-Old

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