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herman cain quotes « Clantily Scad: Dyslexistentialist Commentary of the Culturally Incorrect Kind

If Herman Cain figures out something he said is unpopular…

“It’s going to be 20 feet high. It’s going to have barbed wire on the top. It’s going to be electrified. And there’s going to be a sign on the other side saying, ‘It will kill you — Warning.’” -at TN Tea Party Rally

“It was a joke. I apologize if I offended anyone. Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea culpa.” -’The Last Word’ with Lawrence O’Donnell

“I’ve also said America needs to get a sense of humor.” – Meet the Press

he was obviously joking.

If he says something that panders to religious moral fundamentalists but infringes on individual liberty …

“I believe that life begins at conception. And abortion under no circumstances.” -interview with CNN’s Piers Morgan on Sunday

“The government shouldn’t be trying to tell people everything to do, especially when it comes to social decisions that they need to make.” -same interview, later

…it’s his personal, not political belief

“As to my political policy view on abortion, I am 100% pro-life.  End of story,” -statement released Thursday to clarify his position


If he doesn’t know what something is…

“First of all, I don’t even know what SimCity is. Okay? I don’t even know what it is. Secondly, it’s a lie. That’s all I can say. I don’t even know what SimCity is,”  -on the claim that his 9-9-9  plan is inspired by SimCity’s default tax rates.

it can go fuck itself because it’s wrong.


Colbert offers an explanation for Cain’s inability to follow himself on the issue of blaming yourself for not having a job. Because he wasn’t referring to all unemployed people as lazy, just the unemployed people that are upset and would like to assert their First Amendment rights.

Now, “I don’t have the facts to back this up”, but I think Herman Cain might have a chance in the race if he only had a competent staff, knowledge on international affairs, actual qualifications, and a pizza that doesn’t suck.