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Home > Weird News Wednesday > Weird News Wednesday: Woman Beaten in Parking Lot with Frozen Armadillo

Weird News Wednesday: Woman Beaten in Parking Lot with Frozen Armadillo

Legalize Armadillos. Regulate and tax them for revenue.

I have two fairly different links for you today.

The first is “Man Allegedly Beat Woman with Frozen Armadillo.”

According to investigators, the altercation occurred when the suspect was selling the carcass to the victim, who planned to eat the animal.

The pair apparently began arguing over the price of the item when the man twice threw the armadillo at the woman.

Everyone be careful out there in your back-alley armadillo meat deals. Seriously, though, I’m curious how much illegal armadillo meats goes for per pound out there.

Maybe this could be the new premise of the final season of Breaking Bad. Walt gives up his life of making meth to engage in the lucrative business of armored-shelled carcass sales. But the Mexican Armadillo Cartel gets a wind of his activities and seeks a bloody revenge.

The second article is “‘Buffalo Beast’ editor faces jail time for using dildo at protest.”

Good job, Raw Story, at making your news titles ambiguously worded.

Apparently, the guy had a dildo on a microphone and was trying to interview counter-protesters at a National Organization for Marriage rally. The officer arrested him for making obscene gestures with the ‘dildophone’ and for calling her and her fellow officers “assholes.”

Calling a cop an “asshole” is clearly a first Amendment right. I’m trying to find out if there’s any legal basis for obscenity charges. Using my amateur legal research skills, which I previously used to find out that it’s legal to be naked in public if its part of a performance, I found that NY state defines “obscenity” very vaguely, and the state penal code seems to only cover distribution of obscene materials to minors. But I doubt that there is any basis for obscenity charges, since now the officer seems to be now pitching that he was disrupting a “religious” event. (NOM is not registered as a religious organization.)

If you have knowledge about the legality of dildos in public, comment below.

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  1. inurbase
    October 27, 2011 at 8:30 am

    If we legalize armadillos, would this not also mean that we must begin taxing sloths, koalas, and wooly worms?

  2. scandalousmuffin
    October 27, 2011 at 9:34 pm

    Wooly Worms? Too much iron. It’s a well-known fact that armadillos are much more nutritious and delicious, except for the leprosy. The bang for the buck is in armadillo husbandry.

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