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Embrace the Hipster

A lot of denizens of Brooklyn have a tendency shy away from “hipster” and associations with “hipsterism.” I don’t get it. When did hipster become pejorative?

I went to a liberal arts school, blog about progressive politics, and am casually wearing a silk vest.

I bought the earrings from a girl who went to Dartmouth and specializes in eco-friendly design. I own three different fedoras. I’m writing this on a MacBook. I’m drinking looseleaf, fair-trade tea. I knew who the fuck Arcade Fire was. Irony is one of my favorite humor devices.

If I’m not a hipster, I don’t know what is.

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Jezebel Teaches me how to be Hipster AND Racist

A Complete Guide to ‘Hipster Racism’

via Jezebel.

There’s been a lot of talk these last couple of weeks about “hipster racism” or “ironic racism”—or, as I like to call it, racism. It’s, you know, introducing your black friend as “my black friend”—as a joke!!!—to show everybody how totally not preoccupied you are with your black friend’s blackness. It’s the gentler, more clueless, and more insidious cousin of a hick in a hood; the domain of educated, middle-class white people (like me—to be clear, I am one of those) who believe that not wanting to be racist makes it okay for them to be totally racist.

Examples of Hipster Racism According to Lindy West:

1.

2. 

3.

4. 

 I wish I was aloud to use the n word sometimes (in a non racist way of course)
5.

 

Thanks, Jezebel.  I will be sure not to wear my large-framed eyeglasses over my Klan hat, like your graphic on an anti-irony and anti-racism article so artfully depicts.  I’ll also be sure to tell my black friends that race is “made-up” and “arbitrary” like” Santa Claus” so they no longer have to worry about sickle cell anemia.

——-

Next week on Hipster Sexism:

 “Women can’t be lawyers.” -Ruth Bader Ginsberg

Next week on Hipster Classism:

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Next week on Hipster Ageism:  I’m going to buy rocking chairs and live-blog my knitting party.  Where all my friends with scoliosis will most certainly complain about the colored folk.

 

New York City Resident Archetypes

I’ve lived in Brooklyn for about six months now.  I moved here from New Jersey and have come to find some recurring motifs in the denizens of this fine City.  Feel free to comment if you have any more.  This archetype list is partially inspired by reddit’s /r/ first world problems.

Overworked Businessperson

Usually seen with the same twisty grimace to their face at all times, you can most often find the overworked businessperson on his or her smart phone talking loudly and not paying attention to where they’re walking.  Whether the intern is running late with the Starbucks or Wall Street is about to have a financial meltdown, it is a tragedy and most certainly their subordinate’s fault.

Their diet includes coffee, file folders, podcast news, and not sleep.

Crazy, Screaming Homeless Dude

Needing to keep a BAC level of crazy in him at all times, the CSHD is the well-known cousin of the sleepy, morose homeless dude.  I don’t know what’s going on in their black trash bags and I don’t want to know.  The CSHD is the most common cause of the comment, “Um, let’s stand on the other side of subway platform.  That side is loud and smells like urine.” Louis CK knows what I’m talking about:

Hipster Trust Fund Faux Adult

This young NYC specimen makes its living off its art sales and the weekly stipend from Mom and Dad.  Sometimes it tries to sit down on the Subway, but the wads of cash in its wallet make an uncomfortable bump in the back pocket of its skinny jeans.

Enjoying pretending to understand politics, the HTFFA likes to associate with liberals but be a fan of Ron Paul at the same time.  This is known as “ironic” and is a comedic trope.  HTFFA often misuse the word “trope” in order to sound cool and educated.  The HTFFA usually has a Bachelor’s degree of some sort but makes a point not to use it for the sake of artistic sacrifice.

Synonyms: Indie Douchebag, Liberal “I went to NYU” Elitist, Pretentious Asshole in Plaid Shirt and Glasses Too Big for his Face.

The Bodega Guy

Do you know his name?  I see him everyday when I buy a soft drink and I don’t.  It’s probably Mohammed Al Assad Ahmadinejad or something like that.  He owns the Bodega Cat, which is really cute.  Though every time I pet it I wonder if it’s had its rabies shot.

Sketchy Rastafarian in the Park and the Friendless Guy who Buys from Him

With roots in hippies and black people, the Sketchy Rastafarian in the Park is the disputed descendent of Bob Marley. He bounces slightly in his gait in a desperate attempt to look casual and has a keen scent for bacon.  His favorite colors include green, red, yellow, and weed.

Desperate enough to pay up to $30 a gram, the Friendless Guy doesn’t have the social networking skills to buy the most common drug from someone who is not a stranger and runs of risk of purchasing what may actually be catnip.

Walk, walk, Fashion Baby

Work it, move that bitch crazy.   And indeed, the Fashion Babies, are most often crazy, overprivileged bitches.  Or the gay guy who has a moving story about having spent his suppressed youth watching Project Runway under the covers at 2 AM.

Found in abundance on Sixth Avenue, Fashion Babies are either students (I resist the urge to use quotation marks here) or wannabe students at the Fashion Institute of Technology.

Fashion is defined as:

A puzzling force, capable of altering minds to find things (such as clothes designs) completely normal at one point in time, where they would be considered completely ridiculous at any other point in time.  Also, completely ignored by engineers.  Fashion is the continuing quest for the next great style. However, there are only four truly great styles, and they simply supersede one another every 6.4 months.  The four great styles are Couture, Glamour, Chic, Stylish and occasionally kittens, in that order.

Out-of-town Tourists

Although confused and appalled by the public transit system, out of town tourists are the natural enemy of walking.  A symbiont with the fanny pack, their fears include baby-snatching, crossing the street, and 9/11.

Not included in this list were the cast of Jersey Shore and Long Islanders.

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